Want less crack in your flaps?

With all the oil and water, and Phil and John, and Rugby being done, we could all use a wee laugh.
I found this link today and had my first serious laughing out loud alone on the couch moment in forever!
Check this out for a fantastic waste of money.
I could write a feminist analysis of why this is a load of arse, but I cant see for the tears of laughter.
Someone else wanna take this one?

yours in awesomeness!
Scube,

ScubanurseNZ WIN A WIFE!!!

It's actually going to happen. And oh boy are there going to be some people with their panties in a twist over this one.

Are you sick of pushy, feminist, Kiwi gals with no respect for men?
Think you want to meet a nice girl who you know hasn’t been touched by another man? Are you sick of the fiancée claiming headache stasis to avoid you?
What if we could help you find a girlfriend who hasn’t opened her legs for every man on the street?

ScubanurseNZ is giving away a wife!

But we're not going to give this opportunity to just anybody ... to weed out the no-hopers and time-wasters, there is a process. If you're interested in holy matrimony with a potentially hot foreign chick, write into our comments section on this post, and in less 30 words tell us why you should be the winner. If we pick you, you'll be heading to Burkina Faso in Africa with 12 nights' accommodation with $2000 spending money to meet the lucky lady!


No, you are not participating in the circumcision.
Yes, in many areas the young women WANT the procedure done to help them catch a good man.
If you are a good man, this could be your lucky day!
If that lady takes a shine to you, your whole world could change.

This trip of a lifetime includes
(a) To choose one lady from those registered to have their circumcision in the month of March, to talk with and view the procedure.
(b) Visa application for a temporary visit to Burkina Faso.
(c) Return flights from Akl, Wgtn or Chch to Ouagadougou via Dubai & Accra flying Lufthansa Airlines departing March 23 and arriving home April 7.
(d) $2,000 NZD spending money.
(e) 12 nights’ accommodation in Zaporozhe (excluding breakfast).
(f) Extra’s include a food and beverage welcome pack on arrival, first day breakfast, a bunch of Roses for the lady on their first meeting, interpreters for the first meeting, 3 hour safari with the lady, taxi’s to and from the safari, photographer on the safari.



Terms and Conditions
1.ScubanurseNZ’s WIN A WIFE promotion gives the entrant the chance to win a trip to Burkina Faso to meet women who are interested in marriage to New Zealand men.
2. The promotion period begins on Monday 7 February and closes on Monday 28 February at 9am, 2011.
3. The prize will be judged and winner confirmed on Monday 28 February by phone. The Judges will be nominated by ScubanurseNZ.
4. Entry is via ScubanurseNZ website and entrants must submit a photo of themselves and follow the application process. All photos will be cropped to be upper torso and head only.
5. Photos and application forms will be moderated by ScubanurseNZ and will only be uploaded for entry to the competition if deemed suitable by the ScubanurseNZ appointed judge. No pornographic photos will be accepted.
6.The 5 finalists will be subjected to character assessment from friends and family and psychometric testing and suitability for marriage testing by a psychologist appointed by ScubanurseNZ. Viewers will vote online at the website for who they would like to win the competition.
7. The prize does not include visa application or travel for the Burkina Faso woman to come to New Zealand, this is the responsibility of the winner.
8. The winner will be chosen based on their total combined final score. The final score is composed from the total number of online votes.
9. The winner must be able to take the trip on the dates and times specified, if not it is forfeit.
10. Participants must be over the age of 18, have a current passport, and must not have any legal reasons preventing them from leaving New Zealand or entering Africa. Participants who are already married will be disqualified.
11. Any extra’s not specified in the prize details above are the responsibility of the winner.
12. This is a hoax and there is nothing to win. Please do not apply.
13. The winner takes the prize entirely at his/her own risk and indemnifies ScubanurseNZ in respect of any claim for any accident, injury, loss of life or failure to find love that may occur in connection with the prize. The Winner is responsible for all insurance, tax or other costs that may be associated with the prize. We suggest travel insurance.
16. To the fullest extent permitted by law ScubanurseNZ will not be liable for any loss or damage whatsoever (including but not limited to direct or consequential loss) or for personal injury as a result of winning the prize.

The first question on the board below...
Why would you trivialise the horrific, disturbing and downright evil procedure of FGM by comparing it with a radio promotion which essentially wins somebody a date in the Ukraine?
If anything it serves to highlight that there are far more serious things in the world (happening to 6,000 girls a day no less) than a few shock jocks.


I couldn’t have gotten a better question if I had requested it.
You are right to ask.
Because this IS offensive.
And it ISNT funny.
And it does exploit young women in the most horrific way.

So what is the difference between this and the Radio competition?

The ONLY difference is that we start this competition two steps before the time that the radio station does.
The radio station is offering the chance to win a date with a woman who is interested in marrying a Kiwi man. So am I.
There is no overt coercion in either competition.

In both competitions the woman chooses the marriage.

My competition terms and conditions are the EXACT same as the radio station ones.

So what’s your big issue?

Oh – FGM?
Well yes, that is a really objectionable activity.
It leaves women hurt and scarred, and vulnerable.
Many women still want this to be done because due to culteral norms that would horrify us, without it they are unable to get a ‘good’ husband.
But I agree, the practice is barbaric and cruel, and yet another way of controlling women to meet men’s needs.

Let’s just take a little look at the Ukrainian women involved with the “foreign bride” sites.

This is a woman who is opening herself up to marriage to a foreign stranger which will mean leaving the country, language, food and people she is familiar with.
Why would she do this?
How bad would your life have to be for you to do this?
Because this woman IS you.
She isn’t stupid, she isn’t an infant, she isn’t anything different to us.
Something must have happened for her to be this desperate to get out and away from the Ukraine...

Perhaps finances are rough and the risk of having sex with a stranger husband seems less risky than actual prostitution.

Perhaps their family owes the gangs/money lenders money and she can pay that debt off by participating in this venture.

Between 1991 and 1998, 500,000 Ukrainian women had been trafficked to the West, those who manage to escape traffickers or are frightened of following may take this as the “better” option.

By 1995, due to the collapse of the Ukrainian economy the shadow (illegal business) economy accounted for 50 percent of the GDP The result has been a criminalization of the economy in general and expansion of organized criminal networks. Jobs are scarce for anyone, let alone women.

According to the International Organization for Migration (an American organisation), all mail-order-bride agencies with women from the republics of the former Soviet Union are under the control of organized crime networks. http://www.ncjrs.gov/pdffiles1/nij/grants/203275.pdf

Starting to get a picture?

So at some point in most of these women’s lives they have been hurt, or are at risk of being hurt in the future.
The only difference between my competition and the radio’s is that they don’t show the woman being hurt; they just wait until they are vulnerable enough to be preyed upon.

To support this please go to http://www.facebook.com/pages/Stop-the-Rocks-Win-a-Wife-campaign/125406027531398

Win a wife? WTF?

Recently the NZ radio station "the rock fm" started their "win a wife" competition.
The whole thing has horrified me on so many levels I have chosen to write the letter below to the station and also letters to their key advertisers.


Dear promotions and marketing team at the Rock FM.

I am writing with my concerns about your Promo - Win a wife.

I realize that you are expecting me to get my “Panties in a bunch” as quoted on your promo page, and regret having to fulfill your expectations.

I am going to assume that you are so ignorant to women’s safety and health issues internationally that Im going to have to start with the basics.

Your competitions should be targeting your ideal audience.
You have removed all straight women, all married men, all engaged men, most men in a long term relationship, all men with a sense of honor with regards to women’s rights.
What’s left?
What a wonderful target audience you have there!

Did you do your research on companies or is this paid for by the company you are pimping out on the front page of the promo?I’d love to know how you chose the company, by all means do enlighten us...



It is all well and good to send kiwi men over there to pick out a wife and in the scenario you are most likely to try and put forward, the women are all brilliant, happy, yet lonely ladies, who just want a man. Not so desperate for escape from a destitute life that they would marry a stranger.
And even if that IS the case I would like to know what information about the Man you are sending is given to the woman he is matched with?
Criminal history? Spousal abuse history? Possible STDs or major transmittable health issues such as hepatitis?
Historically, IMBs have declined to provide any information about their male clients to the women with whom they seek to match them; and, in fact, this one-sidedness has been a selling point.
A New York based advocacy group called Equality Now demonstrated it in stark terms in 1999, when they sent a blanket email inquiry to dozens of IMBs, claiming to be from a physician who had assaulted two ex-wives; his email asked whether this history would be an problem.
Out of sixty-six responses, only three IMBs turned him down, and only two others expressed serious reservations about taking him on as a client; a few actually praised him and commiserated regarding the occasional need for violence when it comes to keeping women in line.
Among the responses:

“Having also been accused of assault by western women, who are usually the instigators of domestic violence I can tell you: A) don't let it bother you and B) most Thais avoid confrontation, Buddhist philosophy, so they are not likely to start something that may end in violence.” (www.loveasia.com)

“Thank you for your open and honest letter. I believe we all have skeletons in the closet and do not let them fall out when we meet someone. When I look into my past it also does not look too rosy. In heated arguments we all say and do things we did not mean, it does not make us a bad person. What I am trying to say is, let the ladies get to know the real you.” (www.russianwives.com)

“We are an agency and our purpose is to try to help people meet each other. We never refuse any clients that come to us with the exception of incarcerated people. So the answer is yes we will do our very best to help you, as we do for everybody else, but you should try to work on these problem you have for your own benefit and the benefit of your future wife.” (www.missright.com)

Do you have any idea of the negative history of ‘Mail order Brides’?
In 2000, the killing of a twenty-year-old woman from Kyrgyzstan named Anastasia King, whose husband turned out not only to have had a restraining order against him from a previous mail-order bride but to be seeking a new, third wife through an IMB.

In 1995, of a Filipina named Susana Blackwell, eight months pregnant, whose husband gunned her down outside a Seattle courtroom on the last day of divorce proceedings.

In 2003, of a twenty-six-year-old Ukrainian named Alla Barney, whose husband stabbed her to death in front of their young son's day-care facility

I realise that if I was to be callous that in the scope of abuses against women these cases are a drop in the can.
Nothing really if you are just looking at the statistics.

The Problem is that SOMEONE WAS PAID TO ALLOW THESE KILLERS ACCESS TO THESE WOMEN.
Domestic violence and abuse is never ok.
To profit, knowing full well that you are doing nothing to prevent possible future cases is downright reprehensible.

Shame on you.




If you would also like to submit your concerns the contact details are below.
Advertisers will be added to as time goes on.

paige@therock.net.nz – promo and sponsorship
kristy@therock.net.nz - marketing
paul@mediaworks.co.nz – sales

Advertisers:

Unitec - media@unitec.ac.nz
Best foods, I wrote a note on their website
Living Social website - help@livingsocial.com
Trademe jobs - mediaenquiries@trademe.co.nz
Eye lasik - admin@aucklandeye.co.nz
Issacs cider - LNIsales@lion-nathan.co.nz
Ashley and martin hair centre - Auckland@ashleyandmartin.co.nz
Caltex – still seeking contact details.
Air New Zealand American Express Platinum card - still seeking contact details.

Audi New Zealand - Has written in to say they are not involved in the promo but continue to have ads on the same page as the Win A Wife page http://yfrog.com/h4x83oikj

Grab One, Harvey Norman and Go rentals have distanced themselves, but are continuing to advertise either on their website or radio station.




To support go to: http://www.facebook.com/pages/Stop-the-Rocks-Win-a-Wife-campaign/125406027531398

Humanists show the catholics they are not the only ones with a marketing budget!

I’ve tried to write something myself, but I can’t find words better than WOOOHOOO!!
So here is the media brief from their website

Humanists Launch Largest National Advertising Campaign Critical of Religious Scripture

Washington, D.C., November 9, 2010
A national multimedia ad campaign – the largest, most extensive ever by a godless organization - launches today and will include a spot on NBC Dateline on Friday, November 12, as well as other television ads, that directly challenge biblical morality and fundamentalist Christianity. The campaign, sponsored by the American Humanist Association, also features ads in major national and regional newspapers and magazines demonstrating that secular humanist values are consistent with mainstream America and that fundamentalist religion has no right to claim the moral high ground.
The ads juxtapose notable humanist quotes with passages from religious texts, including the Old Testament, the New Testament and the Quran.
The ads then ask the audience to "Consider Humanism."
One example is the following pairing: The Bible: “A woman should learn in quietness and full submission. I do not permit a woman to teach or to have authority over a man; she must be silent.” I Timothy 2 (New International Version)
Humanism: “The rights of men and women should be equal and sacred—marriage should be a perfect partnership.” Robert G. Ingersoll, in a letter dated April 13, 1878.




Another pairing is: The Bible: “The people of Samaria must bear their guilt, because they have rebelled against their God. They will fall by the sword; their little ones will be dashed to the ground, their pregnant women ripped open.” God, Hosea 13:16 (New International Version)
Humanism: “I cannot imagine a God who rewards and punishes the objects of his creation, whose purposes are modeled after our own—a God, in short, who is but a reflection of human frailty.” Albert Einstein, column for The New York Times, Nov. 9, 1930.

To see images and videos of the ads and find more information about the campaign please visit: http://www.considerhumanism.org



"Humanist values are mainstream American values, and this campaign will help many people realize that they are already humanists and just did not know the term," said Roy Speckhardt, executive director of the American Humanist Association.
"Humanists believe in and value love, equality, peace, freedom and reason – values that are comparable to those of moderate and liberal religious people."
In addition to the television ad on NBC, ads will also be displayed on cable channels. Print ads will appear in major newspapers, including USA Today, the Seattle Times, the Village Voice, the Atlanta Journal Constitution, the Independent Triangle, and the San Francisco Chronicle, and magazines, including Reason and The Progressive. Ads will also appear on Metro trains in Washington, D.C., on billboards on I-95 near Philadelphia and in Moscow, Idaho, and on buses in select cities.
"We want to reach people in every corner of the U.S., from all walks of life, to raise the flag for humanists and show others that they have more in common with us than with biblical literalists," said Speckhardt.
"It's important that people recognize that a literal reading of religious texts is completely out of touch with mainstream America," Speckhardt added. "Although religious texts can teach good lessons, they also advocate fear, intolerance, hate and ignorance. It's time for all moderate people to stand up against conservative religion's claim on a moral monopoly."
All quotes from religious texts were checked by scripture scholars to ensure accuracy, context and proper translation.
The Stiefel Freethought Foundation was the primary sponsor of the Consider Humanism campaign with a $150,000 donation. Another $50,000 was raised from supporters of the American Humanist Association for the launch of this campaign, bringing the total ad buy to $200,000 so far.
The American Humanist Association advocates for the rights and viewpoints of humanists. Founded in 1941 and headquartered in Washington, D.C., its work is extended through over 140 local chapters and affiliates across America. Humanism is the idea that you can be good without a belief in God.

Do you want a raise, or maybe just become another middle management douch?

Thanks to the hard work of the women in previous generations we no longer have to look at stupid ads playing on our fears and insecurities in relationships. – Please enjoy the following selection for your viewing amusement and/or sadness.







So as I was saying, Women are out there, in the world, liberated, working, playing and living as equals. Leaps and bounds ahead of the previous drivel right?

However, every now and again advertisers step away from the mundane world of bikini babes and beer and try and step into our world of liberation and try and SCREW IT UP.



This really makes me mad.
By all means, hit the old stereotypes we haven’t won yet, but don’t come onto my professional turf and shit on the lawn, thank you very much.

This charming ad was sent to me by a friend in the states, apparently it ran in the USA’s Women’s Weekly mag.

Among some more helpful tips, number one on the list of "How To Ask For A Raise," is this advice:
"It should start with your usual routine and all the things you do to feel your best, including showering with Summer's Eve Feminine Wash or throwing a packet of Summer's Ever Feminine Cleansing Cloths into your bag for a quick freshness pick-me-up during the day."

A little bit of Wiki history on douching etc…

In the late 1920s Lysol disinfectant began being marketed by maker Lysol, Incorporated and distributor Lehn & Fink, Inc. as a feminine hygiene product. They intimated that vaginal douching with a Lysol solution prevented infections and vaginal odor, and thereby preserved marital bliss. This Lysol solution was also used as a birth control agent, as post-coital douching was a popular method of preventing pregnancy at that time. The use of Lysol was later discouraged by the medical community as it tended to eliminate the bacteria normal to the healthy vagina, thus allowing more robust, health-threatening bacteria to thrive, and may have masked more serious problems that certain odors indicated in the first place...
In the US, from around 1930 to 1960, vaginal douching with a Lysol disinfectant solution was the most popular form of birth control. US marketing ads printed testimonials from European "doctors" touting its safety and effectiveness. The American Medical Association later investigated these claims. They were unable to locate the cited "experts" and found that Lysol was not effective as a contraceptive.
So basically it was a cleaning product marketed to solve all those tricky lady issues like smell and babies. Perfectly convenient except for the latter problem it just blatantly didn’t work, and for the former the argument is still raging as to whether it does more harm than good.

So specific to this ad rather than the products themselves; what the hell were they thinking?
The funniest bit for me is the fact that number 7 is as follows…



Don’t get too personal.
Good advice.
Slightly undermined by the fact that they in the first instance suggested that your boss might be sniffing around your undercarriage at some point.
…Creepy?

For the final part of my rant I’d like to mention that most vaginas are perfectly happy with a daily wash of the OUTSIDE (the vulva) with some kind of mild soap and water.
Washing the inside can be harmful (see below) and if there are any offensive smells they can be signs of ill health and should not be masked and ignored, but taken to the doc to get checked and treated.

For anyone who has come to this site due to an ill-targeted Google search on Douching please find the following info courtesy of the College of Family Physicians of Canada

Is vaginal discharge normal?
Yes. Glands inside your vagina and cervix (the opening to the uterus, or womb) make small amounts of fluid. This fluid flows out of the vagina each day, carrying out old cells that have lined the vagina. This is your body's way of keeping your vagina healthy and clean. The discharge is usually clear or milky and doesn't smell bad.

The colour and thickness of the discharge changes with your monthly cycle. The discharge is thicker when you ovulate (when one of your ovaries releases an egg), when you breastfeed or when you're sexually excited. During your period, menstrual blood mixes with the discharge.

What changes may be a sign of a problem?
Changes that may signal that something is wrong include an increase in the amount of discharge, a change in the colour or smell of the discharge, and irritation, itchiness or burning in or around your vagina. This is called vaginitis. A discharge that's stained with blood when you're not having your period could also be a sign of a problem. These signs may need to be checked by your doctor.

What may cause these changes?
These changes can occur if the normal balance of healthy bacteria in your vagina is upset. Many things can disturb the balance of a healthy vagina, including douching, feminine hygiene sprays, certain soaps or bubble baths, antibiotics, diabetes, pregnancy, infections, aging and intercourse.

Why is douching harmful?
The chemicals in douches may irritate your vagina and change the normal balance of healthy bacteria in your vagina. Douching can also spread an infection into the uterus, increasing your risk of getting pelvic inflammatory disease (PID). PID is an infection of the fallopian tubes that can cause you to be unable to have children.

Douching isn't needed to be clean. Smells you may notice often come from outside the vagina (vulva). Keeping this area clean with gentle soap and water can prevent smells. See tips on cleanliness.

Tips on cleanliness
Bathe or shower regularly and pat your genital area dry.
After using the toilet, always wipe from front to back. This may help prevent
getting bacteria from your rectal area into your vagina.
Avoid feminine hygiene sprays. These sprays may cause allergic reactions.
If you feel you must use a spray, limit how often you use it and avoidspraying it into your vagina.

Don't douche.

Avoid coloured or perfumed toilet paper, deodorant pads or tampons, and bubble bath.

Be sure to remove any tampons you use. A forgotten tampon or pieces of a tampon can be irritating.

What is a yeast infection?
Small amounts of yeast fungus are often found in a healthy vagina. But if too much grows, it can cause a yeast infection, or vaginal candidiasis. Possible signs of yeast infections are listed in the box to the right.

Yeast infections usually aren't caught from a sex partner. You may be more likely to get a yeast infection if you use antibiotics, are pregnant, have diabetes, or stay hot and sweaty for long periods. Some women get frequent yeast infections for no obvious reason. Yeast infections aren't harmful, but they can be painful and itchy. Yeast infections are usually treated a cream that you put into your vagina with a special plunger or a pill called a suppository that you insert into your vagina. Medicines in a cream form can be used on your vulva to help relieve the itching on the outside.

Signs of yeast infections
White, cottage cheese-like discharge, especially inside, on the walls of your vagina
Swelling and pain outside your vagina, on the vulva
Intense itching
Painful intercourse
Burning when urinating (peeing)
What is bacterial vaginosis?
Bacterial vaginosis is usually caused by Gardnerella vaginalis bacteria. Why some women get this infection isn't clear. It's probably not caught from a sex partner. Sometimes, women with bacterial vaginosis can develop PID or have an abnormal Pap smear. Possible signs are listed below. Bacterial vaginosis is treated with antibiotic medicine, usually a pill, available through a prescription from your doctor.

Signs of bacterial vaginosis
A white, gray or yellowish vaginal discharge
A fishy odor that is strongest after sex or after washing with soap
Itching or burning
Slight redness and swelling of the vagina or vulva

Signs of trichomoniasis
A watery, yellowish or greenish bubbly discharge
An unpleasant odor
Pain and itching when urinating
Most apparent after your period

What is trichomoniasis?
Trichomoniasis, also called "trich," is caused by an organism called Trichomonas vaginalis. You can be infected but have no signs for a long time. Men who have trichomoniasis rarely have any signs. Possible signs of trichomoniasis in women are listed above.

Trichomoniasis is usually caught by having sex without a condom with some who has trichomoniasis. It can get into your urinary tract and cause a urinary infection. It's usually treated with antibiotic pills.

What about other infections?
Two sexually transmitted diseases, chlamydia and gonorrhea, can also cause vaginal discharge. These are infections of the cervix caused by bacteria. Sometimes the only symptom in women may be an increase of vaginal discharge. Chlamydia and gonorrhea often cause no symptoms at all in men. Both of these infections can be treated with antibiotic shots or pills.

Tips on preventing vaginitis
Wear cotton underpants during the day. Cotton allows your genital area to
"breathe." Don't wear underpants at night.
Avoid wearing tight pants, panty hose, swimming suits, biking shorts or leotards for long periods of time.
Change your laundry soap or stop using fabric softener if you think it may be irritating you.
The latex in condoms and diaphragms and the sperm-killing gels that are used for birth control can be irritating for some women. If you think one of these things is a problem for you, talk to your doctor about other types of birth control.
Avoid hot tubs.
When infected, avoid sex so that you and your partner won't pass the infection back and forth. If you do have sex, use a condom to help prevent the infection from spreading.