Want less crack in your flaps?

With all the oil and water, and Phil and John, and Rugby being done, we could all use a wee laugh.
I found this link today and had my first serious laughing out loud alone on the couch moment in forever!
Check this out for a fantastic waste of money.
I could write a feminist analysis of why this is a load of arse, but I cant see for the tears of laughter.
Someone else wanna take this one?

yours in awesomeness!
Scube,

Naked ambition or disrespect for athletes?

Can someone please explain to me why Great Britan's female athletes have to pose naked in order to get funding from the National Lottery and British Gas?

"Thanks to National Lottery players, over 1,200 athletes are benefitting from world-class support for 2012. The National Lottery is also contributing up to £2.2bn to the London 2012 venues, infrastructure and legacy. www.national-lottery.co.uk/bepartofit"

It appears that the national lottery is funding more than just the women's swim, synchronized swimming and water polo teams, and yet the women’s water teams are the only ones getting their kit off.
No male swimmers? No women's shot-put, discus, or wrestling teams?
Since the national lottery is also funding the venues and infrastructures, why not have some tasteful nudie shots of the organizing committee or would that be too disrespectful of those in authority?

The discussion about how well women's teams get funded compared to men's always ends in the old "women are not as athletic/strong/fast/violent, therefore not as interesting to watch.
This publicity does nothing to improve on that ignorance, and undermines thier sporting abilities with the lack of skill shown in the photo.
This picture is 100% about the beauty of the women. There isnt even any sporting equipment in the shot.

What is the relevance of these women’s naked bodies vs. their performance in their sport of choice? This is an especially important question since they have photo-shopped them so heavily so that they are all smooth and flawless. The flip side of that being that they have also removed most of the muscle tone.
What the heck are all the girls dreaming of national league supposed to think when they develop their wonderful strong, muscular frame of an athlete, and it looks NOTHING like the athletes on that page?

I have nothing against nudity.
I have nothing against fundraising.
My friend worked as a prostitute to get through med school. The advantage of this particular choice is that it can remain a secret when she needs it to be.

These women, for better or worse have most of their bodies accessible to the entire world for as long as the internet is open, and that is totally their choice, right?

When asking if they were coerced in any way, ask this. - Have any of them released naked photos of themselves on the net without the incentive of team funding?

While you think about that, go ahead and ponder and what level of respect is shown here for female athletes.

Does contradictory bleeding heart syndrome make someone incompatible as a writer?

If we could benefit from the death of a prisoner, would that make the death penalty ok?

This comment on feministe is what pissed me off.
“However, our prison system exists, and the death penalty is (unfortunately) not going away any time soon. Given that, prisoners on death row should have the option — the totally freely-made opinion, without any incentives on either end — to donate their organs after death. That, of course, requires counseling, and it requires that they not receive any benefit for organ donation. But there’s no reason not to allow people on death row the choice to donate.”

The above quote was inspired by the article by Christian Longo “Giving life after Death Row”

These people have a world of information at their finger tips and they couldn’t be bothered to look up what is needed before someone can become an organ donor.
Forget all the morality issues, or the structure that would have to be put in place for this to even WORK, just the fact that they stop someone’s heart makes this whole thing totally pointless.

So let’s start from the beginning. Slowly.
You can’t use a death sentenced prisoner as an organ donor because by the nature of the definition of the sentence they have to be fully dead for the sentence to be complete.
You need well perfused, healthy organs for harvesting and if the heart stops working for a sustained length of time (like long enough to pronounce someone dead) that is no longer valid.

You also need organs that will not transmit infectious diseases, and with infectious disease rates up to 3x higher than general populations, many prisoners will not pass that test.

You also need the patient’s family’s permission, and I cannot imagine as a family member of a person about to be killed by the state saying “sure, take them, I don’t mind”.

So if you have a non-infectious, available, consenting donor from the prison system then what?
They cannot put them to death at the prison.
They would need to transport them alive to the hospital, harvest organs then declare them dead.
So it would be the qualified surgeons and surgical nurses who took life deliberately.
They are not trained for this, and understand better than anyone what taking a life truly means and how it can impact. Not to mention the fact that they have taken a Hippocratic oath.

Why should they bear the burden?
Would America then struggle to find good medical professionals to work on the organ transplant teams?

On a more moralistic standpoint. You claim to be against the death penalty and I am not going to get into that debate. But if you claim to be against the death penalty, then how can you advocate for the benefit of some on the deliberate death of prisoners? If we make use of the human remains of death penalty prisoners, what are the chances of having the death penalty abolished?

What are the chances of the numbers of people charged with the death penalty increasing in response to organ needs of the population?

What are the chances of more people charged with the death penalty being put to death sooner, lessening the chances of an appeal?

‘Only’ 38 prisoners were executed in the USA in 2010 but there were over 4000 people killed on motorbikes in 2004 in the USA alone.

Stop wasting your time worrying about "wasting lives" that have already been stopped through a death sentence.
Start informing your friends and families that THEY need to make a decision and share it with their friends and families.
Because it won’t be the “bad guy” that you don’t know that saves a life.
It will be someone you love and miss.
And yes, it would still be a great shame to waste a life.

For information on the death penalty in the USA please see this link here.

why do editors print these empty faff letters?

Oh good grief.
I was sitting in an airport with no inclination to continue working (since I left home at 6am today), feeling a little bored when I stumbled across this gem.
This has made my DAY!

Check this out, have a good laugh, grab a cup of tea, and come back and read this.

Firstly, this whole thing seems to be a big dirty mark on the name of Professor Christopher Saunders (not actually given his dues in this particular letter.)
He wrote the paper "Introduction in Research in English Literary History," and set down the three tests to be used on historical writing in 1952.
A professor of military history and what seems to be a highly methodical writer with a strong attention to detail, I sincerely hope he is devoutly Christian, and kind enough to ignore these idiots using the basics of his concepts and twisting them to suit their beliefs.

I just want to quickly clarify his process and how badly Ms. Michele Silvernail has missed the point.

The Internal test: In reality the internal test for a manuscript is not as simple as having a nice family tree at the front, or characters clearly defined and linked – if that were the case most of the fantasy genre books with their convoluted Elven royal families would also be “real”.
The external test: Shouldn’t there be a good solid chain of proper evidence to support events in the bible? I appreciate that there are plenty of relics scattered across this earth, but the number of double ups, would suggest that their origins may be questionable. If we take the word of those in the church (e.g. his stated archaeologist Nelson Gluck is Jewish...) then we may as well take the word of those who have been “beamed up” that aliens are real.
The bibliographic test: Is a joke. In actuality we need to trace the manuscript back to the original in an unbroken chain. We find out how many copies of the manuscript there are, and establish how closely the copies agree. Finally - do we have any of the manuscript in the handwriting of the purported author?
Well, there is no author properly identified, we don’t even know who wrote the gospels (it’s only according to Matthew, Mark, John, and Luke.), and to top it off we have a THREE HUNDRED year gap between the first entire gospel and the time at which it was supposed to have been written – even shit like twilight didn’t take that long to get a reprint!

Urgh, It’s not even worth arguing it is so silly.
But I felt like killing time at the airport... and meaningless phrases like her quoted Ephesians 2:8
“it is by grace you have been saved, through faith.” Really piss me off.
I much prefer Einstein’s quote
"The further the spiritual evolution of mankind advances, the more certain it seems to me that the path to genuine religiosity does not lie through the fear of life, and the fear of death, and blind faith, but through striving after rational knowledge."

#thingswomendontdoanymore. Or why twitter makes me want to kill.

A bunch of other writers and I had no small measure of frustration this afternoon when we realised there was a hash tag on twitter called #stuffwomendont doanymore.
It was an exercise in frustration; please check out the drivel we got to see below, if you ever question if feminism is still needed your answer is there.
Eventually I had to stop the steam coming out my ears and the hurt I felt for the women who are stuck with assholes who write this stuff.
I had to remind myself of the saying I use when getting wound up about other people’s opinions...
“Does their opinion MATTER to ME?”
The short answer was NO.
The long answer was that as long as they are people who are teaching their Sons and Daughters that they have “their Place” in the world and should stay in it, or they are subjecting their partners to these narrow minded archaic values then YES.
Very much yes.
Because although one idiot in Middle America doesn’t personally impact on me, they do impact on the community around them.
That is why I implore you to quietly point out when someone is out of date, out of a safe place, or just plain old out of line.
Below the “negative section” there is a “positive section”.
Cudos to the Women (and men) who got on there and tried to turn it to a more positive note.
And thanks to the Men in my life who said “yes you can, you will and we will get out of your way while you do!!”
I love you all.
x


The Negatives...

@GimmyKisses: #thingswomendontdoanymore: Stay at home cookin & cleanin. Guys be forced to do it sometimes.

@ike3467: #thingswomendontdoanymore buy condoms

@RKingPan: RT @Jay_2_da_Shep: #thingswomendontdoanymore cook n clean without being asked

@Futuristic24: #thingswomendontdoanymore use their mind

@MKBabyyy: RT @DrChokolate: #ThingsWomenDontDoAnymore know how to cook. They only kno how to make noodles and hot pockets now :(

@theoneeupper: RT @BrainsEatBeauty: #ThingsWomenDontDoAnymore ➜ Value our bodies. Stop treating yourselves like a public water fountain & letting everyone take a sip.

@ISMACKSTARS: RT @JaeREALOFFICIAL: #thingswomendontdoanymore STiCK WITH ONE GROUP: THESES HOS CHANGE TEAMS MORE THAN TERRELL OWENS

@MissCeeBitches: #ThingsWomenDontDoAnymore Wear Jersey dresses ..... It's gonna be a great season for the Lakers #TeamLakers

@corleone843: be domestic, keep a good man, and not complain so much #thingswomendontdoanymore

@ayosGalore: #thingswomendontdoanymore chase guys. its the 21th century #cantbedoingthat

@ftwprez: #thingswomendontdoanymore give a fuck

@LadiSandraMaria: RT @SofysS: #thingswomendontdoanymore: love guys xD!

@vivalaria: RT @BrainsEatBeauty: #ThingsWomenDontDoAnymore ➜ Value our bodies. Stop treating yourselves like a public water fountain & letting everyone take a sip.

@Nonyizie: #thingswomendontdoanymore fall for cheap male tricks.... so sad...

@kwhitfield5: #thingswomendontdoanymore be honest.

@Fab44Me: RT @Fab44Me: #thingswomendontdoanymore Have respect for those of us who stay home to raise our kids and care for our men. Haters.

@JordanIgth: #thingswomendontdoanymore WEAR THERE OWN HAIR.

@HigherGreen: #ThingsWomenDontDoAnymore - cook dinner for they man because they too busy being LAME by watching BGC

Paramore_Rocks #thingswomendontdoanymore be more classy...now days girls are showing too much skin. What happened girls?



Other than the obviously bad spelling, grammer and thought behind the comments, how freaking scary was that???

The Positives.

phased_bemused Get legally raped within marriage, since 1991

LadyNewsNZ have to listen to rules about what women should and shouldn't do

BiscuitCIB have to listen to arbitrary and outdated ideals of femininity, gender performance, sexuality and bodily autonomy

@YoFace_MyLap: Why would we?
In response to...
RT @cassius_cash: #thingswomendontdoanymore allow a nigga to experience a ike and tina relationship wit em

@radioactivejen: make men sandwiches because we discovered it's degrading. That is, unless we REEEEEEALLY like them.

@Jay_Says_: The #thingswomendontdoanymore are mainly because of the #thingsmendontdoanymore...

@iStreetLight: #thingswomendontdoanymore: Wouldn't it be rather sexist/patriarchal of me to include ALL women into such a narrow group?

@PickledBananas4 The #thingswomendontdoanymore trend on twitter is about 95% misogynist whining and 5% interesting.

@scuba_nurse #thingswomendontdoanymore put up with BS expectations of what women 'should' do. Instead living fullfilling livesof their own.

Tits and Teeth, or why perverts have a lower IQ.

There is a saying in show biz...
“Tits and Teeth ladies!”
Translation? Don’t forget to smile and stand straight.
For a very cheerful person with an 14 E-cup rack like me it’s not something I have to consciously try for, and quite often something I get judged on without even realising it has happened.
Hunting for work clothes involves keeping eyes open at all times for items that cover without looking like I’m wearing a mumu. If I do find something both flattering, that fits, and that covers the girls I buy two or more in different colours.
As long as I look tidy, and shoulders, cleavage and legs are covered I'm happy.

Last week I was away at a work conference.
There was a black tie gala night where I knew there would be a parade of wealthy women in designer outfits, and there was an expectation of high level dress.
I tried on every dress in NZ (or so it felt) and even tried making one in a bit of a last minute rush.
Eventually I grabbed a basic dress which I planned to wear a top under because the bust portion just didn’t provide enough coverage.
While in Melbourne I found a dress in my size just like I was hoping for. Black fabric with a hint of shine and a heavy weight to support a curvier figure it ended at just above the knee and was a V neck with wide straps. With a bust reducing bra, it was just within the boundary of sexy but not inappropriate.

I was going to include a photo here but honestly, having spent the night being “slut shamed” I cringe at every picture of me, and feel that typical kick of adrenaline and taste of vomit in my mouth.

The dress was supposed to be worn with a bust reducing bra which accidentally got left in Melbourne in my hotel room.

So on the night I panicked... what to do?
Wear the other dress with the t shirt under? No –what a waste of the new dress
Wear the new dress with a t shirt under? No. That’s going to look silly.
Wear the dress without a bra and risk breasts heading south, or worse north when I dance? Not a chance!

So I put on the most appropriate bra I could find and looked in HORROR at my image in the mirror.

I looked lovely.
Knock out lovely.

Attract too much attention lovely.

This neck line would have been frumpy on a C-cup but on an E my bust was under pressure and so formed two globes (not in season this year ladies – far better to have empty drooping bosoms with bony clavicle between.)
So the dress wasn’t low cut, but it sure did show off the area.

I gave myself a pep talk in the mirror about it being no worse than a strapless dress on a skinny girl. I reminded myself that there would be plenty of stunning necklines and I wouldn’t be the only one and even measured the distance between my nipple edge and the neckline above it to reassuring myself that the fabric came right up to a good height (12cm/5 inches to be precise).

I held my head high and walked out the door.
Within 3 minutes of arriving (after saying hello to my boss but before getting a drink) a male co-worker who works not only in a different office but a different country was posing in a hilarious fashion for photos staring at my tits.

Gosh that’s so funny. Nothing quite like having to laugh at some ass-hat’s idea of a joke, when you are actually feeling harassed.
I jokingly posed for another picture holding his head straight in front and laughed to diffuse what felt like one of the more awkward moments in my life.
After that it was comment, after comment, after comment.

“Great cleavage”
“Nice to know you can party with the best of them”
“WOW”
“You are letting your hair down.”
“Your tits are AMAZING.”And of course the visual jokes, ogling, pretending to motorboat etc.
A few of the women made comments – none ‘bitchy’ to give them a bit of credit.
“Great assets”
“I wish I had cleavage like that”
“Holy cow, you are going to have all the attention tonight”

The thing was, I stayed sober, was behaving myself and didn’t know half these people.

The country manager bless her; looked me up and down and said “That dress is gorgeous – I’d ask where you got it, but I wouldn’t look half as good on me”.
Flattering; but not about one specific part of my body.

I spent the night wishing I had a shrug or shawl, and eventually went and cut it up on the dance floor with the girls, rather than sitting and waiting for the next (what felt like) attack.

What amazed me was that another woman wore a dress that was literally down to her navel – one of those glamorous ones that have a split between the breasts.
Not one comment.
NOT ONE!
Other than the fact that her dress had less overall coverage the only main difference was that she was almost entirely flat chested.

So I wore something not hugely different to anyone else but because of my bust size (which I can't choose) I spent the night feeling like it was my fault if I attracted men like flies.
They couldn’t possibly help themselves from being creepy – they were “right there”.

Interestingly enough the most brilliant men and women in the room, the ones in the top of the company were pleasantness in itself and held long and interesting conversations without once mentioning or staring at my breasts.

It seems susceptibility to creepiness is linked with a low IQ.

If I was giving myself advice I would be yelling about the behaviour of my colleagues and giving me big hugs.
But from this perspective I just felt ashamed and embarrassed.

In fact, I still do.

I’ve been very careful to say I “felt like I was being harassed” not that I “was being harassed”, because I did, and do feel like I was to blame.
What is wrong with this picture?

Ghosts in the theatre.

Urgh.
My brain is fried. I'm exhausted all day then get a second wind around 10pm which means I don't sleep til 2am.
My shirt may well be on inside out. I smell of sugar free V, grease paint, sweat and dusty costumes and the bags under my eyes are pudgier than my eyelids.
I'm forgetting words. I haven't seen my Mum in a fortnight or called my Nan in a month.

It must be the end of show season.

I had planned to elaborate further but I cant be arsed.
IOU one decent post about this show once it is over.

Oh, one funny thing from backstage. The performers have gotten all overexcited, and every time something goes missing (and yes, that's common in the backstage shambles) they blame it on a theatre ghost.
Seeing as the last three things have been ladies undergarments (either costume or personal) I was starting to wonder if thief ghost had been a dirty old man in the past.

Their theory is that it is Freda Stark.
Are you kidding me?
For a start she died old and happy fairly in 1999.
For a second point she danced NAKED...
Why in FSM's name would she want a bra??

Turns out they didn't know who Freda was but knew she was a famous dancer in the Civic in the 30's.
They were stunned to find out that she was in the catagory of exotic and was also gay to top it off.

And they thought I was mean because I laughed at them.
I wouldn't laugh if the weren't so Stupid!!!!

Ok that was mean. Sorry.