Not bad for a bunch of internet perverts.

A little over 2 years ago my mum looked concerned at the idea I was meeting a few women for brunch who I had met on the internet. It wasn’t a date; it was just likeminded people, meeting for coffee, because we had got along really well on twitter.
Mum’s train of thought was that only perverts talk to strangers on the internet, how do you know they are really nice ladies, and not creepy dudes? And also, don’t you have REAL friends?
Mum is an accountant. Say no more. < note to self: insert smiley here in case mum reads this>

My train of thought was; these people are AMAZING, and we are so similar. I’ve spent most of my life feeling like the “odd one out”*, why would I walk away from the chance to find like-minded people?

So I went to coffee. I went to brunches. I went to tweet ups, to movies, and music in parks. I helped start an Auckland Feminist meet-up, We started a pub quiz group. I met the most amazing people. People, who don’t like bars, people who don’t like crowds. People I wouldn’t have met any other way, than through friends, or online.

These people were My People. They were Good People. They were broken, and ill and strong and opinionated. They were different ages, and stages of their journey. We didn’t all immediately click, and there were admittedly a few, who once I met them, I realised we weren’t so well matched after all. But mostly, this weird space on the internet that my mother was convinced was full of perverts was a gold mine.

These were my kind of “perverts”.

These perverts had the same kinks as me. It was like being on a platonic dating site full of witty, smart people who cared about the world they inhabited. Who took action for change. These perverts were willing to do a lot of weird stuff with me (like helping the community).

Most recently, one of my favourite internet perverts – Jackie Clark, started calling some of us the #twitteraunties. It seemed at first glance that it was a bunch of friends who enjoyed meddling in each other’s lives and being shoulders for each other. Then things stepped up to another level and the #auntymafia was born. These were Good People who might not even live in the same place, but were willing to come together to make a difference.
Last night some of the Aunty Mafia came together to coordinate, wrap and deliver food, presents, packages, technology collected for Te Whare Marama o Mangare women’s refuge. This wasn’t a spur of the moment thing. We had been meeting to discuss how to help, and the job seemed almost do-able by us on a small scale. We came up with a small plan, and Jackie took it to twitter and started asking for help. For some reason this captured people. They loved it, and wanted to help. Donations and food and gifts flooded in, people involved their corporations that they had links to, and networked among community groups. With enough strong backs, and loving helpers, we were able to harness all the resources available. It wasn’t small scale at all. What Jackie had started was small. What she had grown was HUGE.

I found last night overwhelming for a bunch of reasons. Partly because it felt like an honour, that at what could be one of the roughest times in someone’s life, we were able to make a difference. Partly because for every enthusiastic smile there, ten more people had contributed to the gifts and food we were wrapping. This was bigger than anything I’ve been so closely involved in, and although part of me was overwhelmed, a small voice was proudly chirping up in the back of my head…

“Not bad for a bunch of perverts off the internet”.

Thank you. Thank you all.

Further reading:

Jackie has a lovely thank you at her blog, acknowledging the sheer number of people involved, and saying thanks better than I have words for.

And the Divine R and R have info on their blog on the next project moving forward.

 

* My old friends are amazing, but we are united by love of each other and lives together, not similarities.

 

How could this happen? - T/W

T/W - Discusses rape, victim blaming, and the Roast Busters case.

How could this happen?

I’ve heard so many people in the last week ask “how could this happen?” “How could this go on for so long?”, “why don’t the girls come forward?” when talking about the news about the repulsive predatory behaviour of a group of young men.

Tragically, they usually answer the question themselves, and in a bitter aftertaste, most don’t even recognise thatthey are the answer.

The next step in the lunch room conversation is to speculate about the victims of sexual crime, and “young people today”. What women are wearing, where they are going, who they are choosing to hang out with.

Why is the next logical step in breaking down the cause of a crime to look at the victim? Why not the assailant?

Why not our culture, which allows young men to feel so entitled to sex that there is a socially acceptable term for a friendship with a WOMAN WHO WONT HAVE SEX WITH YOU. (Friend zone). Like having a friend is some kind of hardship.

What is wrong with us?
I sort of understand. If we can find some “otherness” about victims, then we can fib to ourselves, and be reassured that if we are not like them, we will not be hurt.

If we jump over cracks, and turn the light switch on and off, cover our knees, and do not wear high heels we will somehow be immune to the Bad Man, who is some mythical boogie monster.

We need to turn 180 degrees, stop investigating the victims like there is some kind of magic thing that makes them a good target, and start looking at why we have young men with repeat predatory behaviour by the time they hit their teens.

Why do men rape is an incredibly complex question, but why do they CONTINUE?

Because they can.

Because the victims are put on trial too.
Because being unable to say no is STILL being treated like the equivalent of yes.
Because people still truly believe that rapists are the bad man in the darkest corner of our public parks or night club.
Because when someone is attacked, we avert our eyes from the normal looking rapist, and speculate on what makes a victim.
Because the victim’s reputation is under attack in the media and their community as much as the perpetrator.

We are asking the wrong questions. We should be asking what makes a rapist.

If your response to these stories was any question about the nature of the victims YOU are part of what makes attackers stronger, more confident, and more likely to re-offend.

That's how this can happen.

The Baying Mob or How I carry a torch.

So, you are horrified by the “Roast Busters”, and want to make a difference, but what can you do? 

In my more frustrated moments, I would love to be that person carrying a torch at the front of a baying mob, crying for justice and making a difference to the outcome of a trial of people who have hurt someone else.

But we don’t live in a village of 100 people. These young men are not the only people out there perpetrating sex crimes. And we HAVE a justice system. It is flawed, but we need to use it so the flaws are SEEN, and changed, and our system can evolve with our understanding of right and wrong. An example of this is that rape used to be legal within marriage, and the laws evolved for the better with our societal changes.

We can’t nor should we, start a mob of people, so here are some ideas for how you can be brave, and carry your torch out into the community and really make a difference.

Be the light at the end of the tunnel.

Volunteer. Work on help lines. Or just be a strong and vocal voice for justice so that people see you as a safe refuge or support when they need it. Advocate for friends who need a voice. Speak for those still too traumatised to speak. Hold your friend’s hand when they decide they are brave enough to speak up, or pursue justice.

Be the voice of reality.

This issue is raising the topic of “what could possibly make young men behave this way.”

Remind people that 1 in 4 women are raped. This act is not a rarity and we live in a rape culture.

It is raising the question of “how to avoid being a victim”

Remind people that: most victims know their rapist.

That most rapes occur in thevictim, or rapist’s home.

That the rapist drinking is of more importance than the victim as far as causation.

Be the person brave enough to discuss “consent”.

People are often confused about what rape is. We need to start talking about the fact that rape isn’t what the media tells us.

Its subtle, it’s discreet, it is friends, it is family. It is quiet, it is dangerous, and it is under reported.

 You can inform them that in research when men are asked if they have “raped” most will say no. But when men are asked if they have “forced a woman who was not your wife or girlfriend at the time to have sex,” or if they had ever “had sex with a woman who was too drunk or drugged to indicate whether she wanted it.” 

That answer changes significantly.*

Be the person who knows the facts.

When talking about false reports, there are more false reports for stolen cars than false reports for rape. As a crime it is under reported and really badly dealt with.

                      This image from the USA is incredibly depressing, and NZ is no better off.

Image is from http://theenlivenproject.com/the-truth-about-false-accusation/ 

Be the killjoy.

Be the person at your work, or social gatherings who when someone makes a rape joke, you look blankly at them and ask why it’s funny. If they have to explain it, it becomes apparent very quickly the rape culture we are living in.

Be the support person.

Be the person who listens without judgement, believes the person talking about abuse, and helps them with WHATEVER THEY CHOOSE TO DO.

Be the person advocating body autonomy for the children and young people around you.

Ask before you hug or kiss friends, family or other people you greet.

When kids don’t want to give you a kiss or hug hello or goodbye, say “that’s ok, kisses and hugs are special and we can ALWAYS choose when to give them.” Empower young people to understand that touch is a choice, and their bodies are their own to control.

Be the person supporting those on the front line.

Donate, remind those around you to donate, and when there are competitions for funding, support organisations who help.

Not everyone can carry every torch and they are ALL important. Support the other torch bearers. Carry someone else’s for a while to lighten their load.  Accept that we will all need to take a break sometimes.

But as long as we are casting light in our own communities, that will spread, and other people will find the strength to start standing with us.

My love to everyone on the front lines.

X

*These quotes are from the WHO study, and are therefore gendered in this way.

It's not about the Cup.

RWC is over, and if you dont love Rugby there is probably something that gets you fizzing… Netball? Rodeo? Gymnastics? Chess? Debating? Philosophy? Theology?

Now I know that a large number of you will jerk your heads up at my putting the latter two in the same list as sports, but I have my reasons.
Philosophy and theology allow one or two things similar to debates and sports. You pick a side and you stand there, fighting for territory. I was watching university students debate philosophy and realised that the back and forth felt like a game. Internet arguments can evolve into downright blood sport when you add a couple of gods in there.

I love rugby.
Not because it is the best sport in the world or a sport which appeals especially to me.
I love Rugby because of a long line of my family have loved it.
I love rugby because the smell of home brew and the sound of a whistle bring back fond memories of curling up between my grandparents and being jolted awake by them shouting at the ref.
I love rugby because my entire country loves it, the media follows it closely, and the people who impact my life choose to talk about the game at work.
I love rugby because it is a socially acceptable reason to scream and yell and cry and rejoice with my friends and family.
I hung off the side of a balcony last night and let loose with what can only be described as a primal scream when we won the world cup. With that scream I released frustration at needing medication for my depression. I grieved that this will be the last world cup my Nan will see. I howled at the unfairness of my previous job.
And I screamed with joy that I was surrounded by people I loved; all celebrating a win that helped us to all feel the same thing at the same time.

Last night we could hear what felt like the entire city going bat-shit at the same time we were. We gloried in the fact that while we were anxious, so was everyone else.
I felt content knowing that I wasn’t alone, and win or lose, tomorrow I would be happy or disappointed together with others.

So to all those who dislike rugby and the culture it brings with it, I understand.
But you need to understand that it isn’t about the Prize, the cup, or even the game...

It’s about someone else understanding how I feel. About hugging strangers, and being part of something. Superficially it is about the fight/conflict. On a far deeper level it is about being a part of something bigger than ourselves.
And after the year NZ has had, we could use a little unity.

Women's Choice 2011 - Suffrage eve debate follow up.

A review of the questions and answers.

On Thursday the 22nd of September the Women's Choice 2011 Suffrage Eve Debate took place in an Auckland university lecture theatre with a wonderful mix of over 100 attendees. A speech was given by Dr Judy McGregor, the EEO Commissioner, who did a wonderful job of chairing the evening.

The party reps were:
National - Dr Jackie Blue MP
Labour - Carol Beaumont MP
Greens - Catherine Delahunty MP
ACT - Kath McCabe
Mana - Sue Bradford

Three minute stump speeches from each party, were given followed by written questions from a variety of women's organisations, as follows.

NB: I was trying to scribe this with no skills in shorthand, and didn’t do the greatest job. (partly because some pages were smudged with tears of laughter from a very entertaining evening!)
My apologies for any mistakes. The below is paraphrasing of key points as I could catch them, and sometimes it was a bit of a challenge!! If I have missed something or made mistakes, please feel free to email me with changes and I will update this ASAP
I hope you enjoy this review.
Scuba Nurse.

Q From the Campus Feminist Collective
What are the parties doing to empower people who are struggling financially, such as single parents on the DPB, to attain qualifications that will allow them to support themselves and their families? An example of such a a measure would be the discontinued training incentive allowance.

Labour - Carol Beaumont MP
Support for life- long learning.
Does not agree with cuts to education for those over a certain age.
The access for older people in training needs to be reviewed.
Restore funding for the training incentive allowance.

Greens - Catherine Delahunty MP
This is an attack on beneficiaries, stop this.
Being a sole parent is doing a job twice and people should have enough money to live on and get training.
Raise the status and value of the parent and sole parent.

Mana - Sue Bradford
Mana is respectful of training.
Reinstate the training incentive allowance.
Lower tertiary fees
Lower student loans
Total overhaul of the benefits system is needed
Universal tax credits.

ACT - Kath McCabe
Why has the quality of education gone down? (Audience member called out “It hasn’t!”)
Funding is going to the wrong end: funding is being spent on student loans not the education providers.
Need to review student allowances
Close to the maori party on some points here.

National - Dr Jackie Blue MP
Values education as a liberator
Early childcare available for those who need to get back to school/ work. Especially in areas where attendance is low
Training incentive allowance Level Four National Qualifications Framework courses or above no longer applies.
Focusing on basic numeracy and literacy as a focus.
Student support as a priority.


Q From the Working women’s resource center.
What will your party do to improve the working situation of women who are forced into casual and/or contract work rather than proper employment and who don’t get sick pay, holiday pay, parental leave, professional development or job security.

Mana - Sue Bradford
Collective bargaining is essential.
Unions have been undermined by national.
Committed to do everything they can.
The right to strike returned to workers.

Labour - Carol Beaumont MP
This type of work is becoming prominent, and this is deliberate.
We need to increase rights to strengthen collective bargaining.
The reason women are concentrated in a precarious environment is because they have to seek flexibility to care for families.
Flexible working arrangements to help families would go a long way.

Greens - Catherine Delahunty MP
The root of the issues is contracts. They are very bad for women.
Monitoring of women’s work situations is needed.
Collective bargaining should be improved
Equal pay
Not being allowed to discuss contracts means that inequalities continue without question.
Used the example of warner brothers.

ACT - Kath McCabe
Not sure that people are *forced* into casual and contract work.
People choose their work places and plenty of people don’t get sick or holiday pay – they are self-employed.
Used the building industry, and low work levels for said builders as an example of the above.

National - Dr Jackie Blue MP
The 90 day trial is helping with this. Migrants and youth and parents are positively affected.
Most people who get jobs retain them, it is working well.
It gives women a chance


Q From the Women’s health action trust.
The government currently has an amending bill in the house which aims to relax the provisions of the 2008 employment relations (breaks, infant feeding, and other matters) amendment act which required employers to provide breaks and facilities (where reasonable and practicable) to support women to breast feed while employed.
What is your party’s position on this?

ACT - Kath McCabe
The key here is “where reasonable and practicable”. Few women are making the hard vocational choices.
Her company has just hired large numbers of international engineers because "New Zealanders won’t take the hard jobs".
Dirty, filthy industrial sites are not appropriate for breast feeding, and women wouldn’t want to feed there.

National - Dr Jackie Blue MP
Under current law, mothers have the right to ask, and the employer must respond in a timely fashion.
If not, action can be taken.

Mana - Sue Bradford
The mana party would not support any weakening of the current laws.

Greens - Catherine Delahunty MP
"If we are going to discuss dirty high paid jobs, what about parliament?"
One woman breast fed there.
When we talk about support and what is reasonable and practicable, it needs to be what is reasonable and practicable for the BABY not others.
The problem is workplace leaders who don’t have tits and want to make a profit.

Labour - Carol Beaumont MP
Thought amendment being referred to is about workers breaks, rather than specifically breast feeding breaks, but unsure.
Women have kids, and would like to breast feed. We need to support this.
Clean up the workplace and make it safe, for EVERYONE, including breastfeeding mothers.


Q From the YWCA
How will you recognise and address disadvantages faced by our Māori communities’ especially young Māori women?

Labour - Carol Beaumont MP
Recognises gender and ethnic issues.
Policies need to recognise different needs.
When you break down the wage gap beyond simply gender, into ethnicity the disparity for Maori and Pacific island women becomes even more graphic

Greens - Catherine Delahunty MP
“Honour the treaty, don’t call me sweety”
Women are discriminated against in the system.
Address the issues and listen to tangatawhenua to ask what THEY want rather than having policy makers who are removed from the issues telling them what to do.
Go to the Hapu and Iwi to consult.

Mana - Sue Bradford
This is a huge problem and the whole of Mana’s policies are focused in these areas.
Respect and self determination
Education gives women a place in the world.
People need wages to live on and should not be separated from their home communities because the system said they cannot return.
Empowerment is key.

National - Dr Jackie Blue MP
Referenced the whanau ora policy.
Additional money is needed for additional providers.
Money has been reprioritised for sexual health, teen pregnancy etc.
On the recent media interest in Sex ed, having viewed providers, they were professional and innovative, with accurate info.

ACT - Kath McCabe
"Jackie covered most of it."
Upset by the way young Māori women are characterised by this question.
I know highly regarded women from the Māori community, (gave examples of many high powered roles)
Successful Māori are not celebrated.


Q From ALRANZ
Our 36 year old abortion laws are medically outdated, what action would you like to take to reform the law?

ACT - Kath McCabe
Personally supports decriminalisation.
It will be a conscience vote, and my choice is that it should remain a personal choice.

National - Dr Jackie Blue MP
As a former GP she helped many women decide what to do, no one does it lightly, it is a difficult decision.
Supports it being in the health act
Abortion is the choice of a woman and her health provider.

Greens - Catherine Delahunty MP
There should be a review, there is currently no Green party consensus.
Personally believes it is a health issue, not a criminal one.
Working on a Green party agreement.

Labour - Carol Beaumont MP
Supports the women’s right to choose.
Safe abortions are currently available but she strongly supports change to the current law which only provides safe abortions to those who are having to work with an unwealdy system, having to lie about their mental health.
Community clamour is needed for this to be reviewed.
Keep pushing for change.

Mana - Sue Bradford
There is no party agreement but she is personally pro-choice.
There is more support needed for pre and post counselling as there is not enough support for women who make that choice and have to go through such a hard time.


Q From the National council of women’s Auckland branch
What is your party’s strategy to reduce increasing poverty in NZ and to close the ever widening gap between rich and poor?

Greens - Catherine Delahunty MP
Not with tax cuts for the top 13% or financial bail outs for Canterbury finance that is for sure.
Commitment is needed
Work on the welfare system
Increase minimum wage
Job creation and quality education

Labour - Carol Beaumont MP
This is of vital importance for a fairer society
The gap is growing, there are kids in poverty.
Need to lift minimum wage
Take GST off fruit and vegetables.
1st $5 earned should be tax free
More collective bargaining
Putting funds into research and development and increasing jobs.

Mana - Sue Bradford
Economic justice to lift the income of those at the bottom.
Tax free income threshold for those below the minimum wage
One off hardship benefit by Christmas, which Kevin Rudd did in Australia
Trust routs need to be tackled – the rich are hiding income.

National - Dr Jackie Blue MP
Getting those back to work who can work.
Off benefits and back to work
Lift wages and increase economy
Want to keep entrepreneurs and companies here in NZ – supporting businesses.

ACT - Kath McCabe
Recognise that welfare is not for the upper and middle class.
Gave an anecdote of a wealthy family receiving money from “working for families”
Target welfare to those who need it.
GSC2 conditions with trading partners which means difficulty exporting and employing
State is poor at picking winners
Incentivise and assist.


Q From Auckland women’s center.
Given that MMP has drastically improved women’s political representation in parliament, why doesn’t the national party support MMP?

National - Dr Jackie Blue MP
That is incorrect. National believes that the choice of voting systems is up to the voters and has chosen to leave the choice to them, without comment.


Q From the Auckland coalition for the safety of women and children.
Many of the changes and cuts that national have made in the last three years have impacted negatively on women and also made it more difficult for them to be safe from abuse.
What will your party do to improve women’s lives and provide more safety for women?

Scuba Nurse: Massive apologies, but my phone ran out of battery and lost this page of notes when it closed unexpectedly..
Does anyone have this?

Q From the Women’s network of NZEI Te Riu Roa
What policies will your party have to help maintain quality public education?

Labour - Carol Beaumont MP
A strong commitment to public education, the first four years of a child’s life are very important.
Critical of cuts to ECE
No one would tolerate high schools where 30% of staff are unqualified, why tolerate it in ECE?
Pro training incentive allowance.
Scrap national standards, replace with REAL standards.

ACT - Kath McCabe
Support the institutions not students for funding.
Sweden has an process initiated by the political left where funding was given to parents, not to the students; and funds were wasted less.
Improved quality of education and empowerment of parents.

Mana - Sue Bradford
All levels of the system need support
John Minto heavily involved in writing their work with this.
Abolish national standards.
Reject public/private partnerships in education.
Recognise Maori/ pacific island special needs. These are currently under recognised.
Update Te reo Maori

National - Dr Jackie Blue MP
National values education as a liberator.
1.4 billion is coming to ECE
They are targeting communities with low participation.
1/5 of youth are leaving school without basic education – this is not good enough.
Student loans should remain interest free, but there should be criteria.

Greens - Catherine Delahunty MP
Student loans system is flawed.
National standards are not needed.
When they went direct to the users (10-17 year olds) they didn’t want national standards, or particular types of education. They wanted quality relationships with their teachers.
Education needs to be relevant.
Racism should be addressed in schools
Centres are closing due to funding changes, so how can national claim no funding cuts?


Q From Feminist action.
Our justice system results in an abysmal conviction rate for sexual assault. How would your party address this problem?
Mana - Sue Bradford
A special taskforce for sexual assault was discussed for a long time. If Mana was part of the next government they would pick up on those recommendations and get New Zealand out of the dark ages.

National - Dr Jackie Blue MP
The victim levy has been a success with $50 paid by perpetrators of crimes going towards services for victims.
The minister of women’s affair’s interventions have informed policy development
ACC is providing 16 counselling sessions to those affected by assault.

Labour - Carol Beaumont MP
The taskforce needs to be fully picked up and acted on.
Improve court processes
The current government haven’t done much.
ACC has been a traumatising experience for those who had to fight for their right to support.
Long term comprehensive approach is needed.
A commission should be made up from the special taskforce for sexual assault and the task force for family violence.

ACT - Kath McCabe
One problem is the police themselves.
After the unfortunate actions of the past, a commission of enquiry has gone some way towards dealing with the issue, but people don’t want to go to the police for help when they have their own issues.
A female minister of police is a good step.
When the accused can cross examine the victim, the system is appalling.

Greens - Catherine Delahunty MP
Special victims task force good hearing from minister, but not on the ground level.
After the recent incident with a comedian there is no faith in the system and people are having to think seriously about whether they want to put themselves or their children through this horrific system.
Simon Power has other ideas
Need a cross party consensus.


Q From the Tertiary Education Union’s women’s sector
The literature is clear that high quality early childhood education has significant beneficial benefits for those children and society as a whole. The funding for ECE however has been savages under National/ACT.
Will your party increase funding in this area, particularly in low socioeconomic areas where the impact of provision of high quality ECE would make the most impact?

National - Dr Jackie Blue MP
It wasn’t savaged.
This funding is the most the ECE has ever had.
Focus has been largely on areas with lower participation.
3500 new ECE places.

Mana - Sue Bradford
Mana has strong policy in this area and is passionate about increased funding for ECE and education led groups.
No public funding for profit led early childhood education.
Increase the provision of support for struggling areas.
Have ECE promote the link with schools in the same area.
Review and refocus on te reo Maori.
An annual audit on Te reo Maori providers is needed to keep a level of quality.

ACT - Kath McCabe
Don’t impose the governments will on the decision of parents to choose education providers
Struggling family’s need support and second income, and ECE supports both parents working.

Labour - Carol Beaumont MP
There is a big announcement coming, and so cannot speak too much on this.
20 hours free.
It is not true that there haven’t been cuts
Facilities with 100% qualified staff are being penalised under current funding.
Ensure that all children have the best possible start.

Greens - Catherine Delahunty MP
There is a profit industry of baby barns.
Mothers are being forced back out to work, and this is not a victory for feminism.
80% of Maori and Pacific Island are just applying to the nearest provider rather than choosing. The market is deciding, rather than it being parent driven.
Not good enough.


Q From the Service and Food workers union. Nga ringa tota women’s sector.
Pay equity is not about individual women negotiating a better deal for themselves but about whole groups of workers who are paid less simply because most of those doing their work are women. It’s about valuing the work women often do, like caring for our most vulnerable citizens.
What specific actions would your party put in place, should you be in government and in a position to implement these, to lift the wages of caregivers and other mainly women workers like cleaners?

ACT - Kath McCabe“I am going to rephrase the question.”
Met a Russian surgeon who said that in Russia the majority of surgeons are female, and truck drivers are male. Surgeons ended up lower paid than truck drivers because women’s work is not valued, no matter what it is.
This is a perception problem.
Adult rate for youth means less jobs for youth.
The issue is 2/3 the recession.

Labour - Carol Beaumont MP
Increase minimum wage.
Narrow the gap.
Promote equality in the workplace.
We need roles traditionally seen as women’s work valued. If women take “men’s” jobs to try to increase income, who will be the caregivers?

National - Dr Jackie Blue MP
Lift all wages.
Hard times, national policy is needed to strengthen national industry.
Boost the economy, support businesses and increase education and skills training.
Pay gender gap is because women are in low paid roles
The Gender pay gap is at 10.6% which is the lowest it has ever been.

Greens - Catherine Delahunty MP
The statistics mentioned by Jackie can be read in so many different ways.
Structural help is needed. Bring back recommendations and actually implement them.
Test wages.
A structural commitment should be given.
Pansy Wong says women need to talk about rugby and be a plumber, but women and their work should be valued in their own right.

Mana - Sue Bradford
The incident with Alasdair Thompson exposed how employers think.
We need to lift wages now!
Workers in sectors that are undervalued need support, they are “invisibilised”.

Auckland Slutwalk - thanks!

I am in a bit late to weigh in, but wanted to post these and say thanks to all those who were there.

Thanks to the women in fishnets and great jokes.

Thanks to Julie and her kids for offering a great distraction from tension just when I needed it.

Thanks to those who came and said ‘Hi’.

Thanks to my man who stood by me and held placcards, and babies, and my hand. You were afraid you would not be welcome, and your presence there meant so much to me.

Thanks to the police who escorted us with a smile and were patient when the short legs and complicated stroller had us lagging behind.

Thanks to the strangers who took the time to ask why we were marching, and then joined us.

Thanks to those who stood and stared and made nasty comments on twitter – opps no, sorry that was just one asshole who works in NZ radio. Forget him, he isn’t worth the time.

And because I don’t want to end on a negative, thanks to EVERYONE who showed up, you are brave, and awesome, and stood for something, and meant everything to me and to everyone else who showed up afraid they would be standing alone.
Enjoy the piccys.

Tall Poppy syndrome is alive and well in the blogosphere

There is feminism, and then there is Feminism.
There is first wave, second wave, a token wave to, and ‘the revelation hit me like a wave” Feminism.
There are young people just learning and starting out, and older women who have battled for a generation or more already.
None of us are alike, but all are invested in equality, it is only our knowledge of the world around us that varies how we practice what we do.

I must confess that one of the biggest deterrents to blogging was the large amount of sniping and criticism that goes on in blogging circles.
This isn’t a “lady problem” or even uniquely feminist. I find the same thing in atheist circles, parenting blogs, and science groups.
If someone is passionate enough about something to write at least once a week on the topic, then they have got confirmed theories, opinions and issues around the topic already. Add to the mix the amount of anger that can stand behind marginalised groups, and the fact that each person is a different medley of minorities and it is a volatile mix.

I love the debate of the comments sections because I can choose or not choose to engage.
It gives all sides an opportunity to explain themselves if needed, and provides an open forum to potential resolution and understanding in both parties.

I’m less fond of the growing trend of passive aggression by the way of writing a critical analysis of someone else’s point of view and separating into two camps without constructive discussion between the two. It's all well and good if you overtly disagree with the entire thing (my example would be the tits out campaign). However if you like a concept but they have missed mentioning something that is YOUR baby (whether it is the forgetting the inclusion of your group, or the way something is worded) don’t immediately run back to base and undermine an entire cause.
Discuss with the organisers your concerns in private.
Discuss with the organisers your concerns in public.
Then look at reasons that have been put out there, and if they are still unreasonable by all means, step up and take a stand.

Before you do all this, take a look at the organisers.
A corporate group with their own legal team and plenty of moolah to research should know better, and should take feedback on board and make changes swiftly.
(Hello The Rock FM and HAHAHAHA to your latest ratings btw).
A volunteer group may not have the resources, but should also have people’s best interests at heart.
A blogger... well who are they?
Are they just some shmuck who likes to write, a person with their own passions for human rights but a fledgling knowledge of all the issues?
Or are they a well informed person who should know better and is well respected and widely read?
Are they a cover for someone on the other side trying to undermine a cause?
(The “vote on my abortion” fiasco would be a good example of this).

Take a look at who you are trying change, and why.
The range of opinions on the internet is what makes it so cool, and I would hate to pasteurise our feminist movement through fear of criticism.

So next time you decide to jump on a good cause because there is something you don’t like about it take a deep breath.
Is it really their job to cover ALL the issues at once?
Is there a trend of offensive behaviour or exclusion?
Have you even asked why they have done what they did?
Have you given them the opportunity to improve?
What are YOU willing to do as far as putting in working hours to help find a solution?

Or are you just doing this to bolster your own profile and have something to write about in your own space?
Tall poppy syndrome is international, not just a kiwi issue. The internet has shown this to me.


Disclaimer: I started writing this when I first started my blog and it always sounded like "why are people so meeeeeean?" it has taken me this long to whittle it to a more functional version. If I didnt know you 18 months ago, it has nothing to do with you! (except you jerks mentioned in the examples!)

Get well soon Christchurch.

Today is my first time in Christchurch since the February quake.
I knew it was bad. I knew it was a wide area.
I knew lives and livelihoods had been destroyed.
To see it all didn't come as a surprise, what did was how sad I feel.
I pulled the car over and just stared at the damage.
The closed roads, the rippled surface of the street. The remnants of liquefaction in drains. (Remember when we didn’t even know that word?)
The only way I can explain it is to compare it to something on a smaller scale.

It feels as though a friend has been beaten up.
I have seen photos of their injuries and I know that they have a black eye and broken jaw. I have seen x-rays of the fracture in their wrist and I have been in touch, talking and sending flowers.
When I finally caught up with that friend, their injuries don’t surprise me, but I hadn’t thought about the details... the difficulty they would still be having eating.
I hadn’t imagined that when they smile, they wince.
I hadn’t realised how awkward using a fork is with a cast on your hand.
It’s sad.
And there is nothing I can do but bring my business and dollars to the region.
Get well soon Christchurch.

Margaret owed us nothing.

A “K-Rd Icon” has gone.
Every single time I walked along K-Rd, Margaret was there.

Some days I walked lost in my own thoughts.
Sometimes I was angry about something in my life, sometimes filled with joy.
Margaret was just as much a person as I and her moods fluctuated also.
She and I had a tentative understanding (dependant on how her day was going as to how well she remembered) that I never had any cigarettes, but I was sometimes good for cake, if I was coming back from a cafe.
She never did seem particularly interested in the cake itself, but gave me her time and respect when I greeted her with it. Not that I expected it. Goodness knows how she got to where she was, but she sure as hell didn’t owe me anything.

I went to her memorial page on face book and was surprised by the comments.
Not by the number, because when you hang out in the same place every day asking for something, chatting to people, smoking and occasionally yelling, people will remember you.
I was surprised by the Shit quality of remembering.
The number of people who didn’t know her name in spite of the fact it was the first thing she told anyone.
Her identity was as important to her, as mine is to me.

The number of people who said she was ‘rude’ and in the next sentence explained it was because she didn’t thank them for cigarettes they gave her.
What was she to you? A performing monkey? If she MUST thank you for a cigarette, what MUST she do for food, shelter, or your transient interest in her?

The number of people that seemed to think that if you give someone something they owe you their time and respect baffled me. Not because I don’t agree that respect and good manners are important, but these are the same people who would quite happily accept a free drink at a bar and get pissy if the offer came with conditions.
So why don’t THEY owe others anything for gestures of kindness, yet our underprivileged community are expected to bow and scrape like serfs to their overlords.

Tomorrow, when you are around town smile at your transient/homeless/addict neighbour.
Learn their name.
Find out how their day was.
Give them something and don’t pause for them to feel like they owe you thanks.

And any time - If you give, give from your heart.
Without asking in return.

We need your genius.

Someone I love very much had a long chat with me last night. (Online typing, since I’ve lost my voice!). Shall I give her an awesome-sauce nick-name?
How about Kick-ass? She wrestles better than any of the guys I know!
She is also one of the most vivacious, energetic, cheeky young women I have had the pleasure to know. (And I’m not just saying that because she will be reading this!)
This is sort of a lead-on from a post I wrote a while back, which was basically a letter in combination to my 15 year old self, my cousin, a friend with an eating disorder, and the idea was inspired by watching Kick-Ass play around with food on a visit we had.
At the time I didn’t know if there was anything going on or not. She called me and asked if the post was about her and I explained that I had been concerned about some stuff but it wasn’t only about her.
Yesterday she chose to open up that she had an eating disorder in the past.
This scared the hell out of me because I feel totally unqualified to be a proper mentor for this sort of thing. I’m the only person she has chosen to share this with.
From experience, the mental state of self hating and body dysmorphia sticks around for years longer than the actual “eating disorder behaviour". This is the HUGEST frustration for me; not least because of that Kick-Ass is actually stunningly beautiful and always has been captivating looking.
No-one should be wasting their youth, strength and fun years feeling less than perfect. No-one should struggle to see something they like in the mirror.
No-one should feel uncomfortable about gaining weight out of fear that people will not like/love/ find them as attractive as they used to.
Kick-Ass is brilliant and independent already and she has so much strength of will. She will be able to get herself back on track in a good relationship with her body; I just want to provide some resources to undo the message that has been banged into her by the main stream media.

So here is what I want.
She has been surrounded by teen media and all the drivel that goes along with that.

Give us some linky love to your favourite body/women positive you tube hits and blog posts.
Give us some words of wisdom that have helped you in your recovery and personal growth.
Give us some resources available in Australia for young people.
Give us your love and understanding.

So give it up ladies and gentlemen, lay it on us.
Much love,
Scuba Nurse and Kick-Ass.

My angry, angry, angry breasts.

There are two Facebook messages/ updates going around that are bugging all hell out of me.
The first is that girls and women are updating their profile with
“I like it...” then stating where they keep their handbag.
Consequently it looks a bit dirty when girls
“like it behind the couch”, or “like it behind the door”, or even better “like it wherever I can be bothered.”
Witty! I thought it was funny until I got the (let’s face it) Chain letter causing this...


“Last year women on facebook played a game to raise awareness of October Breast Cancer Month. They each posted what colour bra they were wearing on their status. The effect was so widespread that it made men wonder what it was about and eventually made it to the news - increasing the awareness of breast cancer. This year's game has to do with your handbag or purse, where we put our handbag the moment we get home for example "I like it on the couch", "I like it on the kitchen counter", "I like it on the dresser" you get the idea. Just put your answer as your status with nothing more than that and cut'n paste this message and forward to all your FB female friends to their inbox. The bra game made it to the news; let's see how powerful we women really are..!

REMEMBER - DO NOT PUT YOUR ANSWER AS A REPLY TO THIS MESSAGE - PUT IT IN YOUR STATUS! “

*cough* Several questions...
How does this raise awareness of breast cancer?
There are no links to sites with education, no ability to book a mammogram, no info on when and where to get a mammogram, and when they become free...
There are no links to the cancer foundation, no information about how to donate, or donate time to become a collector for collection day.
And how does this make women feel or appear powerful?

In fact, is this what it appears to be? A chain letter no better than; “pass this on or little sally will die of syphilis and you will never get a boyfriend”?

I’m disappointed and angry that this is not only happening but being carried on by smart, caring women I know.

The second is this one.
“October is cancer month. In memory of every cancer patient, family member and friend who has lost their battle with cancer and in honour of those who continue to conquer it! Put this up for 1 hour if you love someone who has or had cancer.”

It’s like “post this as your facebook status if you hate having a cold, and love money.”
Well DUH. Except there is a highly emotional level to this making it in essence, emotional bribery.
Considering roughly 1/4 of New Zealanders will get some form of cancer in their life time, and one fifth of all cancer deaths in women is from breast cancer*, your hit rate is pretty good.

It cheapens what people are living through and dying with, and I object that because my status update has nothing to do with cancer somehow that implies that I don’t ‘care’.

I care deeply.

I care so deeply that I don’t talk about cancer frivolously.
I sure as hell don’t use it for spam, or to emotionally bribe people to update their status to match mine.
I care, so I talk about it person-to-person and make sure I can see someone’s eyes when I talk about cancer, so I can see where those boundaries’ of hurt and fear are that I don’t want to accidentally cross.
I care; so as new research and education comes out I pass it on to my loved ones.
I care, so I check my own breasts, and teach other women how to check theirs.

I care for more than ONE BLOODY HOUR on Facebook.

I’m sorry if you forwarded anything on, or feel this posting attacks something you did out of the kindness of your heart.
I understand that most people mean well, but try to understand why these messages are thoughtless in so many ways.

For information on breast cancer specifically visit the breast cancer foundation of New Zealand


Or their ‘Take action’ page, if you want to *gasp* do something.


or join them on Facebook.

Go to this site to see Janelle Aitken, a National Breast Health Educator take you through a concise breast health presentation; covering basic breast awareness, healthy lifestyle tips and busts some of the myths that are floating around about breast cancer.



Or for info on recovery exercises (I think this may even be free) go to the ywca.


*data from the 90's needs updated stats, sorry.

Some info for your interest...

Breast cancer is the most common cancer among New Zealand women, with more than 2500 new cases expected this year - also approximately 20 men will be diagnosed1.

More than 600 women will die from the disease this year - making it the leading cause of cancer-related death in females.


1 in 9 women will be diagnosed with breast cancer during their lifetime2.


90-95% of women who are diagnosed with breast cancer have no family history of the disease.


Getting older is the most common risk factor: over 70% of new cases are among women 50years and over.


Women of all ages, especially those over the age of 40 years, need to be ‘breast aware'.

In being ‘breast aware' women should:
· Know what is normal for them
· Know what changes to look and feel for
· Report changes without delay to their family doctor
· Attend mammography screening if appropriate for their age

Changes in the breast that may indicate cancer:
· A new lump or thickening
· A change in the breast shape or size
· Pain in the breast that is unusual
· Puckering or dimpling of the skin
· Any change in one nipple, such as:
- a turned-in (inverted) nipple
- a discharge that occurs without squeezing
· A rash or reddening of the skin that appears only on the breast.


Early detection of breast cancer increases a woman's chance of survival. Today, close to 85% of NZ women diagnosed with breast cancer will survive 5 years or more, and the death rate has decreased by nearly 24% between1995-2005.


New Zealand's free, nationwide breast screening programme, BreastScreen Aotearoa, checks women with no breast cancer symptoms - ‘well' women - for early breast cancer between 45-69 years of age with a screening mammogram every two years.


Screening mammograms do not stop the development of breast cancer, but do reduce the chance of dying from breast cancer by approximately 33%.


Thermography is ineffective as a breast cancer screening tool or breast cancer diagnostic tool.


Breast cancer occurs with equal frequency in Maori and Non-Maori women. However, Maori women are nearly twice as likely to die from the disease as non-Maori; one important reason for this is they are presenting with breast cancer at a later stage of disease. The reasons for their presenting late are complex, but are shown by the low rate of attendance by Maori women for screening mammograms.

Pacific women in NZ are 20% more likely to die of breast cancer than other NZ women.




References.

1. Ministry of Health (2008). Cancer New Registrations and Deaths 2005, pp. 18-19. Wellington: MOH.

2. Ministry of Health/NZHIS/BSA (2007). Personal communication. Personal Communication: Bercinskas,
L (2007) and Childs, J.(2009)

3. The National Screening Unit, the Cancer Society of New Zealand and The New Zealand Breast Cancer
Foundation (2008, Oct). Position Statement on Breast Awareness.. Ministry of Health: Wellington.

4. Ministry of Health (2008). Cancer New Registrations and Deaths 2005, p.35 Wellington: MOH.

5. Ministry of Health/NZHIS (2006). Data is average for 1996-2000 mortality.

6. The National Screening Unit, the Cancer Society of New Zealand and The New Zealand Breast Cancer
Foundation (2005, Jan). Position Statement: The use of thermography as a breast screening or
diagnostic tool. Ministry of Health: Wellington.

7. Cancer Control Council of NZ (Nov 2008). Mapping Progress 11: Phase 1 of the Cancer Council
Strategy Action Plan 2005-2010. p. 32. Wellington: Cancer Control Council of NZ.

8. Ministry of Health/Breast Screen Aotearoa (2009). Retrieved from the internet
www.breastscreen.govt.nz on 11 March 2009


Remember - early detection saves breasts and lives

community announcement.

A reminder thanks to Julie at the Handmirror...
Have you had experience with Child Support through inland revenue?

The Families Commission would like you to participate in a focus group exploring the proposed review of the child support scheme and what this would mean in practical terms and also any other changes that may be required for child support.

You will need to be available on the evening of Monday, 11th October 2010, and we are able to provide $30 per participant to help with child minding and transport costs.

Please register on 376 3227 or womensservices@womens.org.nz. Please do not attend without registering - thanks!