Tuesday, February 14, 2012

But that’s not romantic to me…

It is Valentine’s day today.
Every year I explain to people around me that we don’t “do” Valentines Day. By that I mean there aren’t flowers or gifts in our household. I object to being told when I should be nice to the special people in my life. I also MASSIVLY resent the constant messages of “What Women Want” from the media around this time of the year.
For me, what would make my day special is for the man in my life to attend my sports training and cheer me on, meet my team mates, and get to know a little more about who I am, and what I am capable of.
For him, the morning is a lovely time full of promise and hope (I’m more of the try-to-sleep-through-it brigade) so me getting up super early to cook breakfast and take that special time to be together without a big rush will make his day really nice. Neither of these things are in any of the numerous advertisements for how to “really treat your partner” on Valentine’s day, and yet, there it is… our perfect day.
So for all that I mock it… perhaps Valentine ’s Day is a really good time to set this stuff up with a new partner, or reinforce what makes you happy with a loved one. Because not everyone shows love in the same way, and not everyone accepts love in the same way. This is pretty damn cool, and it makes total sense given how unique each person and their life experience is.

I’m a super lucky lady, the man in my life is a really good guy when it comes to little gifts, and flowers. Unfortunately when I met him, flowers still stank of obligation and emotional bribery. Because of a history of a stalker and a boyfriend who would only buy flowers to give himself more time to wiggle out of trouble, they meant nothing more to me than someone trying to control me. I needed to gently tell him that I knew what message he was trying to send, but until I got a little more comfortable with him, and felt safer, flowers didn’t always send that message.
He knew he loved me, and wanted to tell me that.
But his message did not resonate with how I identified “love”
So message sent needs to equal message received.
It’s not romantic, but it does mean a lot more genuine happiness. And that sure doesn’t come in a box with a bow.
For me it comes with the smell of chlorine and a victory hug after training.

So how’s about we fuck up the sales records and tell the people we love, that we love them how THEY want to hear it.
I can’t wait to hear how it goes.

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