#YesAllWomen are being asked "What can I do?"

I’ve had several discussions with men I know and love, and trust over the last few days under the #YesAllWomen. Many have expressed horror, some disgust, and a few were surprised at the alarming number of awful stories highlighting what it is to be a woman in public.
I’ve also watched men I don’t know struggle with the concept online in public spaces, often with less class or integrity than the men who took the time to speak with me.

 Firstly, I want to address the fact that the issues raised by #YesAllWomen are struggles recognised by anyone seen as “weaker” in gender. Trans, femme, and those in the rainbow spectrum also struggle with harassment and a sense of feeling out of control of their own bodies when others take over their space with verbal or physical abuse. I’m sorry that the “Women” tag has led to exclusion.

 Many of the lovely men I’ve seen on social networks feel helpless and guilty and have asked, “what can I do?”

Thanks for asking, but the heat of the moment, when people are exposing their frightening moments, scary stories, and deepest vulnerabilities isn’t the time to wave furiously and shout “This has never affected me but what about meeeeee”. You wouldn’t do it in an in-person discussion, don’t do it on twitter.

It’s the time to read. Listen, wait. Talk in person to people you trust about it, and learn.

In the meantime, here is a “what can I do” List.

 Learn: Don’t expect the people who have been hurt the most to teach you. Violence and crime and gender inequality and sexism and feminism and transphobia are well documented and researched and written about. Go find other sources.

Asking the person still hurting, can hurt them all over again.

 Listen: If people who have experienced something scary and shared on the #YesAllWomen tag offer to talk, please listen. JUST listen. They don’t need your ideas or opinions or judgements. Even if you think they are nice.

“Thank you for telling me, I appreciate it” is all the feedback needed.

Don't feel guilty. Please don’t waste time or energy with guilt if you have never hurt, attacked, or made someone feel unsafe. I really don’t care if you are sorry that someone else did bad things. It doesn’t change the bad things, and it smells like I have to look after YOU reassure YOU that YOU are ok. Sorry, but no.

 Listen to yourself. Are you feeling sick, angry, scared, and resentful? There are probably reasons. The issues we are discussing are HUGE and they SHOULD be uncomfortable. But you are safe; no harm will come to you. Sit with those feelings and examine them. Because the stories coming through in this hashtag have hurt people a lot more.

 Don’t make excuses. There aren’t any. We are all learning, we are all being raised in an intolerably imbalanced world. There are no excuses, only acknowledgement and the promise to improve things.

 Be the killjoy: Be the guy who when someone makes a rape/domestic violence/misogynistic joke says “I don’t get it, can you explain what’s funny?” The more voices we have saying “no” to the small stuff, the less normalising the big stuff there is.

 Be the listener: be the person, who when a friend discloses abuse, violence, or harassment, listens. Let them talk, let them decide what they want, and support them in that decision. The justice system seems straightforward until you have been through it. Reporting or not reporting are both options you need to respect.

 Be a leader: be the person others can look up to for decent behaviour. Ask before you touch someone; be respectful when you talk about women. Call out bad behaviour and chose to leave social groups of people who can’t treat women well.

 Teach our kids: Talk about boundaries. Teach young people that they have the right to say no to a hug or tickling from you. Respect them when they do say no, even if they are playing.

They need to know that their “No” has power, so that when someone doesn’t listen it sets of SERIOUS alarm bells.

 Be a safe partner: Don’t assume women are up for sex. Require discussion, require communication, and require conversation. If it is too hard, because you are both too drunk, wait.

 Question the status Quo: Learn about some of the obvious imbalances: women are told not to run at night, not to drink, judged by their clothes, but men aren’t. These are issues in the media every day. Raise it, complain about it, and talk about it in wider circles than just your feminist friends. Wear your love of equality on your sleeve.

 The examples that I’ve given here are REALLY 101 stuff, but keep reading, keep learning, keep listening.

And don’t expect praise for being one of the feminists. We don’t get any, in fact we get threats.

Wednesday 28/5 Addition: Please go and read this piece by Emma Hart. It fits nicely in with what I am saying above, and she writes FAR more eloquently than I can.
Please add any other "must read" articles in the comments below.
 

International women's day 2012

In honour of international women’s day 2012, I have decided to write about what it is to be a woman in New Zealand, and more specifically, this woman in New Zealand.

My Voice.
New Zealand women are allowed to vote. The 1893 women’s suffrage petition resulted in the Electoral Act of 1893 which gave New Zealand (and Cook Island) women the right to vote. This is in comparison to:
1902 Australia
1906 Finland
1913 Norway
1915 Denmark (which included Iceland at the time)
1917 Canada, Lithuania, and Latvia
1918 UK,Hungarian democratic republic, Moldova, and Ireland
1919 Armenia, the Netherlands, the Ukrainian SSR, Southern Rhodesia, and Luxembourg
1920 USA and Albania.

Side note: women did not win the right to run for the New Zealand elections until 1919, 16 years later.

Being allowed to vote may not seem like a unique or pivotal thing in my life, but it really is.
For two reasons: One, that I take my right to vote very seriously and enjoy participating in discussion around what is happening in NZ politics.
Secondly, I am really proud of what New Zealand women and Kate Sheppard managed to achieve by obtaining the vote for women. It is a sign of good things in this country, tangible proof that this tiny country can start a wave of hope all around the world and be a trend setter.


Education.

I completed high school with a bursary qualification, and I went on to complete a degree.
Kate Edger was the first woman in NZ to earn a university degree in 1877.
In the proportion of adults with bachelor’s degrees or higher, New Zealand ranked fifth equal (with Denmark and Canada) out of 30 OECD countries, with a rate of 25 percent. This was above the OECD median of 20 percent. Countries that had higher proportions of adults with tertiary qualifications at this level included Norway (32 percent, the highest rate) and the United States (31 percent). Australia (24 percent), the United Kingdom (23 percent) and Ireland (21 percent) had lower proportions than New Zealand.
Among 25–34 year olds, New Zealand ranked fourth with 33 percent having tertiary qualifications at bachelor’s degree level or higher. This was above the United States and Australia (31 percent), Ireland (30 percent) and Canada and the United Kingdom (both 29 percent).
New Zealand is among the 25 OECD countries in which females aged 25–34 years are more likely than males of that age to have tertiary qualifications at bachelor’s degree level or higher.


Working.

I work a 40 hour week as a registered nurse, a secure role with a heavy physical work load and high expectations of behaviour and professional growth. This workforce is an unusual one with women making up only 95.5% of registered nurses (Ref Kai Taiake nursing journal).
I’m really lucky because although nurses have the second highest rates of workplace injuries, New Zealand has a system called ACC which means that if I get hurt working to help other people the government (theoretically) has my back, supplying health care and rehab, and covering part of my lost wages. Unfortunately as I have a new diagnosis of Arthritis, most of any future claims I may have to make are probably going to be refused on the grounds that I have a “pre-existing condition”. This is a load of ass in a lot of cases, but urgh, I have to pick my fights. It is a fallible system, but it is significantly better than life without that particular ambulance at the bottom of the cliff.
In my career I have little interest in a management role, as my specialised clinical role provides a wonderful sense of satisfaction which I would lose if stuck behind a desk.
In nursing management roles = 4.1% of male nurses
In nursing management roles = 3.6% of female nurses
The New Zealand Nursing Workforce; A profile of Nurse Practitioners, Registered Nurses, Nurse Assistants and Enrolled Nurses 2010
Nursing council of NZ
The downside is that at the age of 30 I have hit the glass ceiling financially in the field of my choice. It is intensely frustrating knowing that I have so much knowledge, and love to improve and learn, and there is really not too far to go as far as financial remuneration.

There was a promise made by the New Zealand government internationally of 50% gender parity in government-appointed bodies by 2010, which has not been met and has now slipped to an 8.5% gap.
At this point as far as I’m concerned THIS is where I want to see improvement within employment for NZ women, because the government CAN make these promises and demands. The private sector cant and probably won’t make the same promises of gender parity, (and we could debate the good and bad of that til the cows come home) but the government can.
I would love to see our government showing employment equity and providing their workplaces as a great example of what we can do with strong numbers of women in, and leading the workplace.


Family.

I’m unmarried, and am lucky enough to have a family that wouldn’t care if I never married (whatever the reason). This hasn’t really been a problem here, however if my partner needed decisions made on his behalf due to illness or injury, his absent family members would warrant more response than I would within the legal and medical systems.
As defacto partners who have lived together for more than two years, here in NZ if we separate we are legally able to separate assets in the same way we would have to if we were married.
Given the wage difference of around 10.5% between men and women in New Zealand (NZ stats 2011) this agreement does favor the female in a heterosexual relationship without children, (obviously only if there is an income difference in the male partner’s favor). I’m pretty sure that most people in my situation walk away with what they came into the relationship with; NZ is not a particularly litigious country.


Kids.

Due to life opportunities, travel, work and reliable contraceptives easily obtained (since I have a car and only work 5 days a week) I have not yet have children, this is not unusual since the The median age (half are younger and half older than this age) of New Zealand women giving birth is now 30 years, compared with 26 years in the early 1960s.
In the March 2011 year, women aged 30–34 years had the highest fertility rate (125 births per 1,000 women aged 30–34 years), followed by those aged 25–29 years (108 per 1,000) and 20–24 years (76 per 1,000).


Social life.

NZ is still light years behind where we should be when it comes down to how women are treated in the community and viewed in the media. If I wear shorts or a skirt above the knee I WILL have someone honk, shout, or make a comment. Women in positions of power are treated like crap by the media, and their views are secondary to a briefing on what they are wearing and eating at the start of every interview.
Women who are single at my age are questioned on their relationship status at every social gathering, and those of us in relationships will be asked about kids. It doesn’t matter how rude either of those questions are. It is like there is a little vomit that has to happen at the beginning of any social conversation.
Women are judged on how they dress and how much they have drunk and this spills over into the legal system. Cases of rape have never even made it to court, because a woman was too scared to report/persuaded to drop charges due to a state of inebriation at the time of assault. Cases have been lost because of the victim’s traceable history of ‘promiscuity’ through online dating.
This is BULLSHIT, and needs to change. Slut-shaming is not ok, and I think the NZ feminists stepping up and questioning how women are portrayed in the media are awesome.


My health.

Health care in NZ in a lot of ways is very good, with one major flaw when it comes to women’s health – Abortion.
Abortion is governed by the NZ crimes act. No other medical procedure is treated this way.
If I need an abortion here in New Zealand I would have to see a doctor, lie and claim that the pregnancy and subsequent child would cause mental health issues. I would then be referred to a second doctor for a second tick to say that I would be batshit crazy if forced to proceed with the pregnancy. I’m super lucky because my GP is already an obgyn, but if they weren’t, I would have to ensure the second doctor was either/or a gynecologist or obstetrician. (Can anyone say rising costs?)
More than 98% of all abortions in NZ are given on the grounds of mental health… these statistics shouldn’t be so skewed by reports led with lies.
I would then need to make an appointment in order to actually have the required procedure.
Although abortion is legal here in NZ, these clunky laws with all the requirements that overlook an adult’s right to make choices about their own body undermine my legal status as an independent adult.
THIS is room for change here in NZ, and something I am willing to put my voice and face behind in our future in order to keep moving forward in women’s rights.
If you would like to see abortion decriminalized, you can join ALRANZ too.


So there ya go,
Just another kiwi woman, not on the top, not on the bottom, just here.

Happy international women’s day.

Heart breaking.

I have been arguing over on an anti-abortion site that has misused a quote of someone staunchly pro-choice.
The blogger used a quote out of context; it is clearly explained in the blog post here - about how she was misquoted to be used against her own beliefs.
First I was just really ANGRY.
The “pro-lifers” I have had to deal with in the past already have a plethora of fraudulent techniques such as doctored photographs or mislabelled scans of foetuses much later term than what they claim them to be. Why do they need the words of someone smart enough to come back and argue the point with them? Why waste time and heartache like that?
I did some looking into the woman who wrote the blog’s background.

And my heart broke.
This woman's story is why abortions SHOULD be legal to anyone who needs one.

If someone young is raised in a household ethically or religiously against contraception, and they have unprotected sex, they will very likely get pregnant.
Is it the woman’s fault that she was raised without education of how to take care of herself?
When she DOES get pregnant, and either doesn’t know about the morning after pill, or cannot take it due to religious beliefs (or in this case, unavailable in the era conception occurred) what then?
And then, after four months of denial (her words not mine) she does come out to her family her father says she SHOULD have an abortion... what then?
I cannot imagine this situation.
My heart broke for her.
She was doing the right thing, living life by morals, that were then turned upside down to suit the ONE person in this scenario who would never have to live with it himself – her father.

In the USA on July 1976, Congress passed the Hyde Amendment banning Medicaid funding for abortion unless a woman's life was in danger.
I can only assume that, and the fact it was an illegal act having an abortion “after viability” as decreed by the New York state at the time is the reason that she was subjected to a traumatic saline induction abortion (contraindicated after 16 weeks), instead of the less traumatic surgical abortion under anaesthetic.
Non legitimate facilities run illegally would use options that would enable deniability and ability to move the woman if someone came to check.
As someone who hadn’t made the decision themselves and were well down the path of pregnancy, this would have most likely been traumatic. (and it was according to her story)
I do not know who the “doctors” were who put her through that, but I do know that with legalisation and less stigma women receive the support, counselling, full decision making process and explanation of what will happen.

None of this was afforded to her.
No support, no decision making process
No care while in the ‘hospital’.
No one held her hand and talked her through what was happening.
No support after, or links to groups that she may have found helpful.
Nothing.

The fact that her father essentially forced her to undergo a procedure should not happen in a legal operation.
Could my father take me into the public hospital and have a mole removed for me?
No, the doctor sits down and talks to the PATIENT and only the patient to discuss the procedure. It is called informed consent and is legally required before any operation.
This process clearly did not take place.

With contraception the pregnancy may be prevented.
If not, the morning after pill can also protect against pregnancy
If abortion is de-stigmatised, legalised, and allowed by the church, an early term abortion of a zygote is far less traumatic than a late term illegal abortion.
If not, an illegal late term abortion of a foetus causing all sorts of side effects is still available.

The end result of all of these outcomes is the same.
A woman who has not completed a pregnancy.
The difference is in the trauma that woman had to endure, and her recovery and mental health afterwards.

THIS is why contraception and abortion should remain legal and the judgement and religious docterine against it needs to STOP.


Note from Scuba Nurse.

Me using her story without her permission is rude.
Me using her story to speak against her catholic faith is horrible.
Me using her words to support a point of view she opposes is cruel.

As soon as she apologises about HER blog post about Lauren’s story, I will do the same.
...At least I didn’t use her words out of context.

Updates on Win a Wife.

In an exciting update Boganette NZ recieved a reply from Lufthansa German Airlines

Thank you for your email, and for drawing my attention to the topic of the Rock FM promotion. Firstly, I must ensure you that Lufthansa German Airlines does not support this promotion and have never been contacted by Rock FM at anytime with regards to any form of sponsorship.
I do not personally endorse the theme of this competition, and... have never engaged in any commercial relationship with Rock FM with regards flights on Lufthansa German Airlines. I was alerted last night by another member of the public that our name was associated with this promotion and mentioned in the terms and conditions. I can state that Lufthansa German Airlines is in no way a sponsor or supporter of the promotion, and I had all details connected to Lufthansa German Airlines removed from the website at 7pm last night.
I am told that Rock FM have asked their travel agent to source the applicable airfares to the mentioned destination, and Lufthansa has been provided by the agent as the most economical airline ticket. As you will be aware, Rock FM as a commercial business have the rights to purchase airline tickets from a travel agent for any scheduled services, and I am advised by Rock FM that this has been the means of sourcing the airline ticket, without notification to Lufthansa.
I am legally advised that I am unable to restrict them from purchasing airline tickets from a travel agent.
Please be assured, that we do not support this promotion and as a responsible airline of choice, would not enter into an area of sponsorship that does not comply with our company values. I would ask that you please direct any feedback directly to Rock FM who are the only company connected to this promotion and who will confirm to you that Lufthansa German Airlines is not a sponsor of this promotion.
I trust this will satisfy you that Lufthansa German Airlines has certainly not endorsed this action, and hope that your opinion of our company and travel services has not changed, as the information was not correct concerning comments directed at our airline.

Kind Regards,
Anton Musin

Sales and Marketing Manager
New Zealand and Pacific Islands
Lufthansa German Airlines Swiss International Air Lines Austrian Airlines
Level 10, 36 Kitchener Street
P.O. Box 1427
Auckland, New Zealand
Phone: +64 9 303 5332
Mobile: +64 21 749 611
Fax: +64 9 377 2766
E-Mail: anton.musin@dlh.deSee more

A letter from Harvey Norman.
Hi,

Thanks for your email. Although Harvey Norman is an advertiser on The Rock we are not involved with, nor do we support, the Win a Wife competition in any way.

Thanks

Andrea Robinson

Administration Assistant
Harvey Norman Head Office


WOOOHOOOOOOOO!

Sian has kindly allowed me to post her letter that she has sent out to mediaworks etc today. I have removed the last name for security although she allowed me to use her full name. I have had harrassing emails and dont want her exposed to that rubbish.
Thanks Sian for your support.

Dear all,

I just wanted to share my feelings regarding your "win a wife"
competition. This competition was obviously conceived with little thought
for these women, who find themselves in such difficult circumstances that
they are required to sell themselves as "wives" to men they don't know. By
conducting this competition, the rock is supporting this industry. And
frankly this industry is not far off human trafficking.

Consider how you would feel about this situation, if your sister,
daughter, or other female relative was one of these so called "wives". It
may appear that these woman have chosen to place themselves in this
situation, and therefore it is ok, but unfortunately it is not. It is more
than likely that these women have somehow been forced into this situation.
They may have no other way of supporting themselves. They may have no
family, and no job opportunities. They may be desperate to escape
difficult circumstances in their home country.

Also consider what kind of relationships they will have with a man who has
essentially "purchased" them. I highly doubt these relationships will be
successful. It is more than likely that these women will be taken further
advantage of. I can't understand what kind of man would want to start a
relationship like this. I highly doubt it will be the kind of man who
respects women, and fosters equality.

Kind Regards,

Sian

Sian recieved a response from the Rock - interesting that they havent responded to any of the "published feminazi" emails.
I cannot WAIT to see a response that Sian alluded to being "tounge in cheek" and from her partner.

Hi Sian,

Thank you for your email. Since you are obviously not a Rock listener and
probably haven't had time to listen to our radio station to hear the tone
behind this competition, I'd like to explain it to you further.

The Rock is a nationwide radio station targeting a predominately male
audience. The brand ethos for The Rock is: 'not to take life too
seriously'. We aim to create irreverent promotions and content that
sometimes may push the boundaries. As you may appreciate what may be deemed
acceptable for some, may not be for others. Our latest promotion 'Win A
Wife' is very much a tongue in cheek example of this.

We are giving away the chance for a New Zealand listener to travel to the
Ukraine in the hope of finding a connection with a female they have been
suitably matched up through an international match matching dating service.
The overall prize is trip to the Ukraine along with the opportunity to meet
the best suited candidate. The Rock's involvement ends here.

If the couple form a connection, fall in love and at a later date decide to
get married, that is great! The title of the promotion "Win a Wife'
is very much an irreverent spin on what essentially is a radio version of a
dating service.

We appreciate your comments and hope this clears up the mis-leading media
portrayal of the competition.

Kind regards,


KRISTY CRAIG | MARKETING MANAGER | THE ROCK | DDI +64 9 375 7162 | 021
965 220

**********************************************************************

Dear Kristy,

Thank you for your email. Since you obviously don't know much about me,
and only have time to make patronising assumptions, I'd like to explain it
to you further.

I am a young woman, in my early 20's. I work on the other side of Auckland
to where I live, and so listen to the radio everyday while I drive. You
may be surprised that until yesterday I often listened to the Rock. I
actually first heard about the competition on the radio. I would like to
take this chance to apologise for listening to the Rock, I now realise
that being female the Rock is not intended for me. Oops, my bad, I thought
the Rock was aimed at people who like rock music! I suppose I should now
begin listening to a station that caters to my feminine needs.

Anyway, my personal brand ethos is: 'attempt to make the world a better
place'. I know its a bit happy clappy, but its the way I roll (but not
rock!). I am actually all for tongue in cheek, but when real people are
being marginalised, its time to come up with a new gimic.

If you are, as you say, giving a Rock listener the chance to travel to the
Ukraine to go on a date, then you should market the competition as such.
Because marketing women as a commodity is not a joke, no matter how well
it fits with your brand ethos.

I appreciate your comments and hope this clears up the misleading
mediaworks portrayal of myself.

Kind Regards,

Sian.

p.s. my panties are in a twist and it is giving me a wedgie.

******************************************************************

Nick's reply can be found HERE and is well worth the read - I got cornflakes up my nose reading it over breakfast.

*******************************************************************
BAHAHAHAHAHA! Oh Sian and Nick have just made my day - comedy gold!!!
*******************************************************************
GrabOne distance themselves from the promotion.
Jen Corbett said...
Hi there,
GrabOne has absolutely no association with this promotion.
Thanks,
Jen

But they continue to advertise on the edge website, supporting the radiostation with their advertising dollars.

ASB
Hi,
ASB has absolutely no association with the above mentioned promotion, nor is our media targeted to support the promotion.
Regards
James Townend

As of Friday Feb 11th, I have not seen any ads for ASB on the Rock website.
You are my HEROS!!!
I am opening a savings account with you!!

An email is recieved from Nataliya Poshyvaylo-Towler the Chairwomen of the Ukrainian Association of New Zealand

"Thank you for bringing this matter to our attention. We are in the process of logging an official complaint with radio Rock regarding this shameful promotion stunt .
Kind regards,
Nataliya Poshyvaylo-Towler
Chairwomen
Ukrainian Association of New Zealand"

As pointed out by Camilla, there is also the Broadcasting Standards Authority.
They stated that no complaints had been made yet.
this is because You can refer your complaint to the BSA if:

•You made a formal complaint to the broadcaster, and you have received a decision from the broadcaster; or
•It has been more than 20 working days since you lodged your complaint, and you have not received a decision from the broadcaster.

It hasnt been 20 days yet and we havent heard from the broadcaster yet.
So them not having any complaints means stuff all.


Our voices are making a difference, and momentum is gaining.
Please keep up the good work, and I will update this as things happen.
To support via Facebook go to: http://www.facebook.com/pages/Stop-the-Rocks-Win-a-Wife-campaign/125406027531398

ScubanurseNZ WIN A WIFE!!!

It's actually going to happen. And oh boy are there going to be some people with their panties in a twist over this one.

Are you sick of pushy, feminist, Kiwi gals with no respect for men?
Think you want to meet a nice girl who you know hasn’t been touched by another man? Are you sick of the fiancée claiming headache stasis to avoid you?
What if we could help you find a girlfriend who hasn’t opened her legs for every man on the street?

ScubanurseNZ is giving away a wife!

But we're not going to give this opportunity to just anybody ... to weed out the no-hopers and time-wasters, there is a process. If you're interested in holy matrimony with a potentially hot foreign chick, write into our comments section on this post, and in less 30 words tell us why you should be the winner. If we pick you, you'll be heading to Burkina Faso in Africa with 12 nights' accommodation with $2000 spending money to meet the lucky lady!


No, you are not participating in the circumcision.
Yes, in many areas the young women WANT the procedure done to help them catch a good man.
If you are a good man, this could be your lucky day!
If that lady takes a shine to you, your whole world could change.

This trip of a lifetime includes
(a) To choose one lady from those registered to have their circumcision in the month of March, to talk with and view the procedure.
(b) Visa application for a temporary visit to Burkina Faso.
(c) Return flights from Akl, Wgtn or Chch to Ouagadougou via Dubai & Accra flying Lufthansa Airlines departing March 23 and arriving home April 7.
(d) $2,000 NZD spending money.
(e) 12 nights’ accommodation in Zaporozhe (excluding breakfast).
(f) Extra’s include a food and beverage welcome pack on arrival, first day breakfast, a bunch of Roses for the lady on their first meeting, interpreters for the first meeting, 3 hour safari with the lady, taxi’s to and from the safari, photographer on the safari.



Terms and Conditions
1.ScubanurseNZ’s WIN A WIFE promotion gives the entrant the chance to win a trip to Burkina Faso to meet women who are interested in marriage to New Zealand men.
2. The promotion period begins on Monday 7 February and closes on Monday 28 February at 9am, 2011.
3. The prize will be judged and winner confirmed on Monday 28 February by phone. The Judges will be nominated by ScubanurseNZ.
4. Entry is via ScubanurseNZ website and entrants must submit a photo of themselves and follow the application process. All photos will be cropped to be upper torso and head only.
5. Photos and application forms will be moderated by ScubanurseNZ and will only be uploaded for entry to the competition if deemed suitable by the ScubanurseNZ appointed judge. No pornographic photos will be accepted.
6.The 5 finalists will be subjected to character assessment from friends and family and psychometric testing and suitability for marriage testing by a psychologist appointed by ScubanurseNZ. Viewers will vote online at the website for who they would like to win the competition.
7. The prize does not include visa application or travel for the Burkina Faso woman to come to New Zealand, this is the responsibility of the winner.
8. The winner will be chosen based on their total combined final score. The final score is composed from the total number of online votes.
9. The winner must be able to take the trip on the dates and times specified, if not it is forfeit.
10. Participants must be over the age of 18, have a current passport, and must not have any legal reasons preventing them from leaving New Zealand or entering Africa. Participants who are already married will be disqualified.
11. Any extra’s not specified in the prize details above are the responsibility of the winner.
12. This is a hoax and there is nothing to win. Please do not apply.
13. The winner takes the prize entirely at his/her own risk and indemnifies ScubanurseNZ in respect of any claim for any accident, injury, loss of life or failure to find love that may occur in connection with the prize. The Winner is responsible for all insurance, tax or other costs that may be associated with the prize. We suggest travel insurance.
16. To the fullest extent permitted by law ScubanurseNZ will not be liable for any loss or damage whatsoever (including but not limited to direct or consequential loss) or for personal injury as a result of winning the prize.

The first question on the board below...
Why would you trivialise the horrific, disturbing and downright evil procedure of FGM by comparing it with a radio promotion which essentially wins somebody a date in the Ukraine?
If anything it serves to highlight that there are far more serious things in the world (happening to 6,000 girls a day no less) than a few shock jocks.


I couldn’t have gotten a better question if I had requested it.
You are right to ask.
Because this IS offensive.
And it ISNT funny.
And it does exploit young women in the most horrific way.

So what is the difference between this and the Radio competition?

The ONLY difference is that we start this competition two steps before the time that the radio station does.
The radio station is offering the chance to win a date with a woman who is interested in marrying a Kiwi man. So am I.
There is no overt coercion in either competition.

In both competitions the woman chooses the marriage.

My competition terms and conditions are the EXACT same as the radio station ones.

So what’s your big issue?

Oh – FGM?
Well yes, that is a really objectionable activity.
It leaves women hurt and scarred, and vulnerable.
Many women still want this to be done because due to culteral norms that would horrify us, without it they are unable to get a ‘good’ husband.
But I agree, the practice is barbaric and cruel, and yet another way of controlling women to meet men’s needs.

Let’s just take a little look at the Ukrainian women involved with the “foreign bride” sites.

This is a woman who is opening herself up to marriage to a foreign stranger which will mean leaving the country, language, food and people she is familiar with.
Why would she do this?
How bad would your life have to be for you to do this?
Because this woman IS you.
She isn’t stupid, she isn’t an infant, she isn’t anything different to us.
Something must have happened for her to be this desperate to get out and away from the Ukraine...

Perhaps finances are rough and the risk of having sex with a stranger husband seems less risky than actual prostitution.

Perhaps their family owes the gangs/money lenders money and she can pay that debt off by participating in this venture.

Between 1991 and 1998, 500,000 Ukrainian women had been trafficked to the West, those who manage to escape traffickers or are frightened of following may take this as the “better” option.

By 1995, due to the collapse of the Ukrainian economy the shadow (illegal business) economy accounted for 50 percent of the GDP The result has been a criminalization of the economy in general and expansion of organized criminal networks. Jobs are scarce for anyone, let alone women.

According to the International Organization for Migration (an American organisation), all mail-order-bride agencies with women from the republics of the former Soviet Union are under the control of organized crime networks. http://www.ncjrs.gov/pdffiles1/nij/grants/203275.pdf

Starting to get a picture?

So at some point in most of these women’s lives they have been hurt, or are at risk of being hurt in the future.
The only difference between my competition and the radio’s is that they don’t show the woman being hurt; they just wait until they are vulnerable enough to be preyed upon.

To support this please go to http://www.facebook.com/pages/Stop-the-Rocks-Win-a-Wife-campaign/125406027531398

Win a wife? WTF?

Recently the NZ radio station "the rock fm" started their "win a wife" competition.
The whole thing has horrified me on so many levels I have chosen to write the letter below to the station and also letters to their key advertisers.


Dear promotions and marketing team at the Rock FM.

I am writing with my concerns about your Promo - Win a wife.

I realize that you are expecting me to get my “Panties in a bunch” as quoted on your promo page, and regret having to fulfill your expectations.

I am going to assume that you are so ignorant to women’s safety and health issues internationally that Im going to have to start with the basics.

Your competitions should be targeting your ideal audience.
You have removed all straight women, all married men, all engaged men, most men in a long term relationship, all men with a sense of honor with regards to women’s rights.
What’s left?
What a wonderful target audience you have there!

Did you do your research on companies or is this paid for by the company you are pimping out on the front page of the promo?I’d love to know how you chose the company, by all means do enlighten us...



It is all well and good to send kiwi men over there to pick out a wife and in the scenario you are most likely to try and put forward, the women are all brilliant, happy, yet lonely ladies, who just want a man. Not so desperate for escape from a destitute life that they would marry a stranger.
And even if that IS the case I would like to know what information about the Man you are sending is given to the woman he is matched with?
Criminal history? Spousal abuse history? Possible STDs or major transmittable health issues such as hepatitis?
Historically, IMBs have declined to provide any information about their male clients to the women with whom they seek to match them; and, in fact, this one-sidedness has been a selling point.
A New York based advocacy group called Equality Now demonstrated it in stark terms in 1999, when they sent a blanket email inquiry to dozens of IMBs, claiming to be from a physician who had assaulted two ex-wives; his email asked whether this history would be an problem.
Out of sixty-six responses, only three IMBs turned him down, and only two others expressed serious reservations about taking him on as a client; a few actually praised him and commiserated regarding the occasional need for violence when it comes to keeping women in line.
Among the responses:

“Having also been accused of assault by western women, who are usually the instigators of domestic violence I can tell you: A) don't let it bother you and B) most Thais avoid confrontation, Buddhist philosophy, so they are not likely to start something that may end in violence.” (www.loveasia.com)

“Thank you for your open and honest letter. I believe we all have skeletons in the closet and do not let them fall out when we meet someone. When I look into my past it also does not look too rosy. In heated arguments we all say and do things we did not mean, it does not make us a bad person. What I am trying to say is, let the ladies get to know the real you.” (www.russianwives.com)

“We are an agency and our purpose is to try to help people meet each other. We never refuse any clients that come to us with the exception of incarcerated people. So the answer is yes we will do our very best to help you, as we do for everybody else, but you should try to work on these problem you have for your own benefit and the benefit of your future wife.” (www.missright.com)

Do you have any idea of the negative history of ‘Mail order Brides’?
In 2000, the killing of a twenty-year-old woman from Kyrgyzstan named Anastasia King, whose husband turned out not only to have had a restraining order against him from a previous mail-order bride but to be seeking a new, third wife through an IMB.

In 1995, of a Filipina named Susana Blackwell, eight months pregnant, whose husband gunned her down outside a Seattle courtroom on the last day of divorce proceedings.

In 2003, of a twenty-six-year-old Ukrainian named Alla Barney, whose husband stabbed her to death in front of their young son's day-care facility

I realise that if I was to be callous that in the scope of abuses against women these cases are a drop in the can.
Nothing really if you are just looking at the statistics.

The Problem is that SOMEONE WAS PAID TO ALLOW THESE KILLERS ACCESS TO THESE WOMEN.
Domestic violence and abuse is never ok.
To profit, knowing full well that you are doing nothing to prevent possible future cases is downright reprehensible.

Shame on you.




If you would also like to submit your concerns the contact details are below.
Advertisers will be added to as time goes on.

paige@therock.net.nz – promo and sponsorship
kristy@therock.net.nz - marketing
paul@mediaworks.co.nz – sales

Advertisers:

Unitec - media@unitec.ac.nz
Best foods, I wrote a note on their website
Living Social website - help@livingsocial.com
Trademe jobs - mediaenquiries@trademe.co.nz
Eye lasik - admin@aucklandeye.co.nz
Issacs cider - LNIsales@lion-nathan.co.nz
Ashley and martin hair centre - Auckland@ashleyandmartin.co.nz
Caltex – still seeking contact details.
Air New Zealand American Express Platinum card - still seeking contact details.

Audi New Zealand - Has written in to say they are not involved in the promo but continue to have ads on the same page as the Win A Wife page http://yfrog.com/h4x83oikj

Grab One, Harvey Norman and Go rentals have distanced themselves, but are continuing to advertise either on their website or radio station.




To support go to: http://www.facebook.com/pages/Stop-the-Rocks-Win-a-Wife-campaign/125406027531398

Sexual Assault Prevention Tips Guaranteed to Work

No doubt people have seen this. I hadnt and it is AWESOME.
Thanks to the feminist law professors for this one.

Sexual Assault Prevention Tips Guaranteed to Work!

1. Don't put drugs in people's drinks in order to control their behavior.

2. When you see someone walking by themselves, leave them alone!

3. If you pull over to help someone with car problems, remember not to assault them!

4. NEVER open an unlocked door or window uninvited.

5. If you are in an elevator and someone else gets in, DON'T ASSAULT THEM!

6. Remember, people go to laundry to do their laundry, do not attempt to molest someone who is alone in a laundry room.

7. USE THE BUDDY SYSTEM! If you are not able to stop yourself from assaulting people, ask a friend to stay with you while you are in public.

8. Always be honest with people! Don't pretend to be a caring friend in order to gain the trust of someone you want to assault. Consider telling them you plan to assault them. If you don't communicate your intentions, the other person may take that as a sign that you do not plan to rape them.

9. Don't forget: you can't have sex with someone unless they are awake!

10. Carry a whistle! If you are worried you might assault someone "on accident"you can hand it to the person you are with, so they can blow it if you do.

“They think they can do anything to women” - By Maryam Namazie

Join 28 August action of 100 cities against stoning

Hello

Thanks so much for your support of the campaign to save Sakineh Mohammadi Ashtiani from death by stoning and execution. The public outcry is what has kept her alive so far. When her 22 year old son Sajjad first wrote an open letter asking people everywhere to intervene there was no legal recourse left and she was to face imminent death by stoning for ‘adultery.’

In another letter written a few days ago, Sajjad reiterates Ashtiani’s innocence and says:
‘What sort of justice is this?’

The Islamic regime in Iran is doing everything it can to kill Ashtiani and push back the international campaign. The regime has harassed her children and put pressure on Ashtiani, most recently, forcing her to ‘confess’ on Iranian state television to having murdered her husband and committed adultery. [You can see the footage on Iranian State TV in Persian here, which also criticises the International Sakineh Day we had organised:

As her other lawyer Houtan Kian has said she was tortured into making the false ‘confession.’ He has recently provided detailed and new information on her case: here. This follows evidence provided at the 30 July press conference in London by Mina Ahadi of the International Committees against Execution and Stoning which revealed actual court documents showing Ashtiani’s sentence to death by stoning for adultery.

The regime had also arrested the wife, brother-in-law and father-in-law of her human rights lawyer, Mohammad Mostafaei. They were subsequently released whilst Mostafaei was forced to flee the country in order to evade arrest. [He is now safe in Norway.]

They have even handed over her case for ‘review’ to deputy prosecutor-general Saeed Mortazavi, known as the butcher and torturer of Tehran
As Ashtiani has said herself in an interview “The answer is quite simple, it’s because I’m a woman, it’s because they think they can do anything to women in this country”

On 28 August 2010 – come out in 100 cities against stoning to show that the regime cannot to anything it wants to women. You can find out more about the events taking place on 28 August below and on how to organise your own event.

Join us! This must be the beginning of the end of stonings in the 21st century. And it must save Ashtiani’s precious life and reunite her with her beloved children.

Warmest wishes

Maryam

Maryam Namazie
Iran Solidarity Spokesperson
iransolidaritynow@gmail.com
0044 7719166731
www.iransolidarity.org.uk
http://iransolidarity.blogspot.com/

PLEASE ACT NOW!

1- Join a 100 cities against Stoning on 28 August 2010: You can find out about events taking place in a city near you on this list.

2- Find out more about how to organise your own event here:
3- Join a forum for organisers of events and to raise questions and make comments:

4- Send Sakineh a postcard of the city you live in or are visiting this summer telling her you are thinking of her and other prisoners on death row in Tabriz prison. You can address it to:
Sakineh Mohammadi Ashtiani
Tabriz Prison
Tabriz, Iran

5- Write letters of protest to the Islamic regime of Iran demanding Ashtiani’s release and an end to stonings and executions. Protest letters can be addressed to the below:

Head of the Judiciary
Sadeqh Larijani
Howzeh Riyasat-e Qoveh Qazaiyeh (Office of the Head of the Judiciary)
Pasteur St., Vali Asr Ave., south of Serah-e Jomhouri
Tehran 1316814737, Iran
Email: info@dadiran.ir or via website: http://www.dadiran.ir/tabid/75/Default.aspx
First starred box: your given name; second starred box: your family name; third: your email address

Head of the Judiciary in East Azerbaijan Province
Malek-Ashtar Sharifi
Office of the Head of the Judiciary in Tabriz
East Azerbaijan, Iran

Sayed ‘Ali Khamenei
The Office of the Supreme Leader
Islamic Republic Street – Shahid Keshvar Doust Street
Tehran, Iran
Email: via website: http://www.leader.ir/langs/en/index.php?p=letter (English)
http://www.leader.ir/langs/fa/index.php?p=letter (Persian)

Secretary General, High Council for Human Rights
Mohammad Javad Larijani
Howzeh Riassat-e Ghoveh Ghazaiyeh
Pasteur St, Vali Asr Ave., south of Serah-e Jomhuri
Tehran 1316814737, Iran
Fax: +98 21 3390 4986
Email: bia.judi@yahoo.com

6- Sign petitions in support of her case if you haven’t already done so. Here are two of them: http://stopstonningnow.com/sakine/sakin284.php?nr=50326944&lang=en, http://www.avaaz.org/en/stop_stoning/?cl=651962225&v=6766.

7- Write to government officials, heads of state, MEPs and MPs in your country of residence calling on them to intervene to save her life and to cease recognition of a regime that stones people to death in the 21st century. See Mina Ahadi’s recent letter to heads of states on this: http://stopstonningnow.com/wpress/?p=1694.