I choose life.

Every now and again there is a point in my life where I really truly have to choose.
I have the option to wake in the morning or not. I can get up, or not.
I can paste a smile on at work and encourage other people’s positivity, or I can just get through it.
I can keep up my sports and hobbies, or call off sick.
When I’m out and about I can meet new people and try to be interested in them, and their lives, or I can duck my head and hope to avoid superficial banter.
It seems easier to plead grief. To mutter that life is really hard right now, and that I have nothing to give.
  The truth of it is that when you feel like your world is empty because you are dealing with loss; whether it is a break up, health issues, having to move, the death of loved ones, or watching someone slip away in old age. You HAVE to keep fighting.
Otherwise you miss the point where things start to get better. One day someone or something lovely happens but you miss it because you are under your duvet smelling like three day old pizza.

 Before a family member’s funeral a long time ago, mum caught us kids playing cards and giggling in that over-stimulated tired way kids do when they are beyond it. We must have looked shamefaced at being caught in a moment of happiness at such a sad time. She sat down and quickly reassured us that we were allowed to be happy. “it’s really hard at the moment, but if you feel happy, or good things happen, you are allowed to enjoy it – you need it even more at the moment.” She joined us in our playful little group, our bubble excluding all the other crap outside the door. It was an awesome lesson in the fact that life is never 100% sad or 100% happy. We have little pockets of both in times of great extreme, the trick is to find them and use them.

  So things have been really horrible recently for me. (Take each of the examples from the above and every. Single. Fucking. One has happened in the last month). But I’m still here. And I‘ve realised, that the horrible things may not stop. And I either need to give up completely or try to enjoy the life I have. Because bad stuff isn’t going away, but the good stuff might.
People eventually stop reaching out if you aren’t there, and I need them. People have been AMAZING. I’ve been out for dinner, had people around, gotten drunk, stayed sober, sat quietly, talked for hours, sobbed uncontrollably and sworn endlessly.
My sports buddies and work colleagues have respected that those are my “safe” places and I don’t want to talk or think about things there and we are all doing an awesome job of pretending I’m hunky dory when I’m there. I’m so blessed in so many ways.
The least I can do is give everyone the respect they deserve and let them help me the ways they want to.
 So thanks to those twitter buddies who send me messages of support and respect that I’m not ready for drinks yet.
Thanks to those of you who have messaged to check that I’m ok, since there has been such a gap between posts.

 And here’s to anyone who is choosing to live. Really live – get your smile out and kick ass.

#thingswomendontdoanymore. Or why twitter makes me want to kill.

A bunch of other writers and I had no small measure of frustration this afternoon when we realised there was a hash tag on twitter called #stuffwomendont doanymore.
It was an exercise in frustration; please check out the drivel we got to see below, if you ever question if feminism is still needed your answer is there.
Eventually I had to stop the steam coming out my ears and the hurt I felt for the women who are stuck with assholes who write this stuff.
I had to remind myself of the saying I use when getting wound up about other people’s opinions...
“Does their opinion MATTER to ME?”
The short answer was NO.
The long answer was that as long as they are people who are teaching their Sons and Daughters that they have “their Place” in the world and should stay in it, or they are subjecting their partners to these narrow minded archaic values then YES.
Very much yes.
Because although one idiot in Middle America doesn’t personally impact on me, they do impact on the community around them.
That is why I implore you to quietly point out when someone is out of date, out of a safe place, or just plain old out of line.
Below the “negative section” there is a “positive section”.
Cudos to the Women (and men) who got on there and tried to turn it to a more positive note.
And thanks to the Men in my life who said “yes you can, you will and we will get out of your way while you do!!”
I love you all.
x


The Negatives...

@GimmyKisses: #thingswomendontdoanymore: Stay at home cookin & cleanin. Guys be forced to do it sometimes.

@ike3467: #thingswomendontdoanymore buy condoms

@RKingPan: RT @Jay_2_da_Shep: #thingswomendontdoanymore cook n clean without being asked

@Futuristic24: #thingswomendontdoanymore use their mind

@MKBabyyy: RT @DrChokolate: #ThingsWomenDontDoAnymore know how to cook. They only kno how to make noodles and hot pockets now :(

@theoneeupper: RT @BrainsEatBeauty: #ThingsWomenDontDoAnymore ➜ Value our bodies. Stop treating yourselves like a public water fountain & letting everyone take a sip.

@ISMACKSTARS: RT @JaeREALOFFICIAL: #thingswomendontdoanymore STiCK WITH ONE GROUP: THESES HOS CHANGE TEAMS MORE THAN TERRELL OWENS

@MissCeeBitches: #ThingsWomenDontDoAnymore Wear Jersey dresses ..... It's gonna be a great season for the Lakers #TeamLakers

@corleone843: be domestic, keep a good man, and not complain so much #thingswomendontdoanymore

@ayosGalore: #thingswomendontdoanymore chase guys. its the 21th century #cantbedoingthat

@ftwprez: #thingswomendontdoanymore give a fuck

@LadiSandraMaria: RT @SofysS: #thingswomendontdoanymore: love guys xD!

@vivalaria: RT @BrainsEatBeauty: #ThingsWomenDontDoAnymore ➜ Value our bodies. Stop treating yourselves like a public water fountain & letting everyone take a sip.

@Nonyizie: #thingswomendontdoanymore fall for cheap male tricks.... so sad...

@kwhitfield5: #thingswomendontdoanymore be honest.

@Fab44Me: RT @Fab44Me: #thingswomendontdoanymore Have respect for those of us who stay home to raise our kids and care for our men. Haters.

@JordanIgth: #thingswomendontdoanymore WEAR THERE OWN HAIR.

@HigherGreen: #ThingsWomenDontDoAnymore - cook dinner for they man because they too busy being LAME by watching BGC

Paramore_Rocks #thingswomendontdoanymore be more classy...now days girls are showing too much skin. What happened girls?



Other than the obviously bad spelling, grammer and thought behind the comments, how freaking scary was that???

The Positives.

phased_bemused Get legally raped within marriage, since 1991

LadyNewsNZ have to listen to rules about what women should and shouldn't do

BiscuitCIB have to listen to arbitrary and outdated ideals of femininity, gender performance, sexuality and bodily autonomy

@YoFace_MyLap: Why would we?
In response to...
RT @cassius_cash: #thingswomendontdoanymore allow a nigga to experience a ike and tina relationship wit em

@radioactivejen: make men sandwiches because we discovered it's degrading. That is, unless we REEEEEEALLY like them.

@Jay_Says_: The #thingswomendontdoanymore are mainly because of the #thingsmendontdoanymore...

@iStreetLight: #thingswomendontdoanymore: Wouldn't it be rather sexist/patriarchal of me to include ALL women into such a narrow group?

@PickledBananas4 The #thingswomendontdoanymore trend on twitter is about 95% misogynist whining and 5% interesting.

@scuba_nurse #thingswomendontdoanymore put up with BS expectations of what women 'should' do. Instead living fullfilling livesof their own.