Tuesday, September 14, 2010

Depending on who is watching...

This is a public service apology.

I wore tights yesterday.... Don’t judge me.
I've changed my stance from wanting to ban lycra, (a rash judgement call made in revulsion of budgie smugglers one particularly droopy summer) to living in it!
I work from home when only doing office stuff, and go to the gym after work, so it seems silly to change pants when no one sees me during the day.
Aaaaany way.
Every now and again at the gym there is someone usually female, (the guys love themselves way too much to wear gym clothes from last season) wandering around in a pair of tights so worn that you can tell the underwear style through them.

What do you do in this scenario??
I've been torn between pretending I didn’t notice, wondering if it was a style choice, and wanting to offer them my jacket to wrap around their waist.

I’ve usually assumed that they don’t know and I pretend that neither do I.
It seemed fair to me! I don’t know her; why do I have to be the one to break the Endorphin induced confidence bubble?

Last night I trudged up the stairs in my gym clothes at the end of the evening.
Yes, yes, I know; Feral! I should have showered earlier bla bla bla.
And my boyfriend blithely called out from behind me

"Hey I can see your Ass."

Yeah, I know; tights dont leave much to the imagination from a down hill view."

"No really, I can see your butt, ALL of it... Its nice, you are wearing **insert description of underwear here**"


Oh no.

Oh no no no no no.

I have been going to the gym for long enough to see absolutely NO physical results, but my ass has apparently been working so hard it's trying to escape through my pants.


So to anyone walking behind me for FSM knows how long, I am SO sorry.
My butt should not be your view.

On the upside, in order to get rid of the cringy shame of people seeing more of it than they should, I have written a list of awesome things my ass does, to convince myself it was not a bad thing.
It was an HONOR for all those Lucky people yesterday!

It has travelled around the world and leaned against some pretty awesome monuments for photos.

I can spin really fast on it when wearing jeans and on a hard floor.

It is narrow enough to fit through doors, yet sturdy enough to use to shove open the jammed front door in winter.

It has brought joy to countless children on it for piggy-back rides.

It did a large majority of the work while climbing to 5,200 and hanging out at Mt Ama Dablam base camp.

It protected my pelvis and coccyx from certain doom in my car accident.

It did almost all the work keeping my head above water whilst white water kayaking.

It provides perfect padding each and every time I fall. Not once have I broken my hip.

It is the most marvellous cushion when on a picnic, or remote camping trip.

I can use it to provoke either lust or laughter in a few simple motions(depending on who is watching.)

It can be relied on to provide warmth to curl around for my bed partner.

1 comment:

  1. :-) We shall have to change dance positions to check for you in future... Heh heh heh... Oh, and your boy is a perv!!! xo

    Vish and Chantz


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