I came downstairs this morning to find a car windscreen that looked much like this but with more coverage...
I walked around the car to ensure that the red was contained only to the glass area and realised that the red splatter must have been done deliberately.
On initial notice it freaked me out, it isn’t every day my car looks like it has been in a hit and run with a feather free bird.
What was this creepy splatter?
Who had put it there?
Being a standard woman I immediately started finding reasons I might have “asked for it” (when will I grow out of that).
We are quiet neighbours, we never complain; always put rubbish in the bin...
I haven’t angered any of the local streetwalkers or glue sniffers (it’s a good neighbourhood).
Perhaps someone harbouring a grudge was trying to get a point across.
A scary death threat?
I went to inspect the red stuff, and in true nursing fashion went straight in with my finger then sniffed it.
You expected me to be more careful?
Do you think mobsters fuck around with DNA analysis?
Nope, it’s the old “touch, sniff and lick” test.
If it doesn’t seem dodgy you keep progressing until you figure it out.
Don’t sweat ladies and gentlemen – it was tomato sauce.
Why on EARTH would there be tomato sauce on my windshield?
I’ve decided that some local hipster vegetarians are sick of me coming home with burgers for dinner and have decided to scare me into submission.
Fuck you vegetarians, I’m having steak tonight!!