In local news...

In Local news...

I was heartbroken to see that the Naval and Family bar is now “Calender Girls”.
Men who wouldn’t usually have come within a block of family bar now loiter on a corner that used to hold a diverse group of men and women.
Hmph.

On the upside...

For a short while Campbell Orr at Caluzzi bar teased us with the concept of a board games/twister night* but apparently not everyone was down with the idea of getting down!
So... CALUZZI IS STARTING QUIZ NIGHT!
We are benefiting from the fact that Stephen Oats is now available as quiz master.
“Orr says punters can expect fun questions, with some surprises. There will be special rounds each week requested by the quiz attendees. He also promises great prizes, like the winning team will getting a $100 voucher valid for a month so they don't have to drink it all at once. There will also be prizes for second and third places.”

As soon as I’m not travelling so much for work, I’m THERE.
The first Caluzzi Quiz Night is Thursday 23 June.



*I may have been the only one keen on the Twister idea.

Not a nerd.

I am apparently “not really a nerd”.
I was discussing nerd stuff with a friend the other night and Doctor Who came up.
Doctor Who came up because I proud to self identify as a nerd, and we had been having some awesome discussions about nerd stuff...

Neverwhere vs. any of Terry Pratchett. – Bloody hard call but I gotta go with Terry for the politics.

Firefly – how funny is the fact that people actually started collecting money for Nathan Fillian seriously thinking that he would waste that amount purchasing the rights to a show??
(For those who have wanted to donate, Nathan suggests a good NFP – Perhaps a safe home for puppies against cancer in childen?)

Various nerdy podcasts (including Freakonomics – go get it NOW) and how much we love them.

When Doctor Who came up, I had nothing. As far as I am concerned it may as well be “Doctor Who?”, because the programme scared me as a kid, and bored me as an adult so badly I haven’t even bothered watching the new versions.
So yep, I don’t like Doctor Who.

“You don’t like Dr. Who? - you are sooooo not a nerd.”
“But I like Trek and Babylon 5...”
“Yeah but, jeeez. You really don’t like it?”

I just about had to hand over my coms badge and ray gun there on the spot.*

It made me laugh because for all the other nerdy things I do in my life, disliking one element that she was really passionate about was enough to undermine my identity in her eyes.

I didn’t really care; my nerd status has been pretty much set since WELL before nerd was trendy.
When I was 11 lunch times consisted of time in the library curled up with Stephen King, Terry Pratchett and the Alanna series.
Or when I was 12 and only had one real friend at school and we played chess all lunch time (A massive hug to Grover Boy at this point).
Or when at 13 I realised I was the only one who had already read all of Shakespeare’s comedies and tragedies.
Or at Uni, when I sat and read everything I could find on Fibonacci sequences, because I got interested in the maths behind art.

So yep, I didn’t really care what she thought.

Last week in yet another shitty mood that comes with this season I was sitting thinking about it...
How DARE someone undermine my self-identity?

It is called self identity for a reason, and if I want to call myself a nerd I can. If my particular brand of nerdiness isn’t enough for someone then they can bugger off.
Same goes with anything really.
I know it was just because I was in a bad mood that I cared what someone else thinks, but seriously – I will identify myself how I like, and that identity is flexible and my own choice.



*I don’t actually have a coms badge or ray gun. Or any other uniform. But I have friends who do.

Winter solstice and my SAD

I get seasonal effective disorder, so at this time of the year just putting my pants on and giving a fuck what I look like enough to walk out the door is a challenge.

But I am fighting.
I am railing against my hibernation instincts, the urge to be cranky, to push everyone away, to make rash decisions. To run like a dog and hide under the porch until everything leaves me alone. I am exersizing, even though the joy is gone, just for the endorphins.
I am working hard to ensure I can keep getting up, because it only takes one day to start the spiral.

It is winter solstice next week which is always my symbol that the sun is coming.
And this will get easier.
Makeup will be fun.
Bed will be an afterthought at the end of a day, not the wishful dream of an entire week.
Work will feel challenging not confronting.
I won’t want to lash out at anyone who doesn’t love me unconditionally.
I will invite you over, because my floor will be clean, there will be food in the fridge and I will be ok.

In the meantime, I will come to your place, you cannot come to mine.
I will listen more than I contribute.
I will lurk on the internet with fuck all contribution of value.
I will avoid triggers when I would normally push through.
I will force myself to keep this job, even though it gives me chest pains and I would rather bar-tend.

But my pants are on and I am present.
And that my friends, is a fucking victory.

slutwalk LA speach from Hugo

Hat tip to Feminist Allies



This is why my partner and male friends will be attending Slutwalk Auckland.
Rape culture hurts everyone.

Paul Quinn's response to our outcry.

This post refers to yesterday's episode of Backbenchers and the post I wrote last night.


Other than a quick (not-sorry) tweet Paul Quinn has not fronted to the numerous people on twitter and other social media questioning his comments, today TVNZ (reported by stuff with video link) had the following response from him…

Quinn said he hadn't heard the slutwalk presentation (a great brief from Pollyanne Pena) and didn't understand why he was being asked the question.
He ''absolutely regretted'' the misinterpretation.
''I couldn't hear the speaker's presentation and I didn't know what she said. Wallace asked me what did I think of girls wearing short skirts at 2am in the morning in Courtenay [Place]. I looked at him and thought 'what the hell is he asking me that for?'
''Clearly rape is not justified for anything.
''I thought the question was around drunkenness on Courtenay Place at 2am. That's what I thought the discussion was initially about. Others started talking about rape and I thought what the hell are they talking about.''
He added: ''The mis-interpretation was around the fact that I hadn't heard what the discussion was about. I explained that to them afterwards.''

So let me clarify, you didn’t know what they were talking about, and so launching into a tirade about women still being out at 6am partying was the best response?

And then when Wallace Chapman clarified the question by saying ''Do you think there is something to this idea that girls ask for it...they'll be saying that?''
Then you STILL didn’t understand?
What did you think you were talking about?
Girls who go out partying and drinking til all hours are asking for:
help?
A lecture?
A headache?
A bad reputation?
A pregnancy?
A theft of their purse?

What exactly DID you think you were talking about Paul? Because I cant think of anything that someone asks for by going and drinking other than (and this may surprise you):getting drunk.

And later, once it was VERY clear, and Trevor Mallard had very clearly stated that there is NEVER a reason for rape you felt the need to clarify.
At this point it should have surely been the clarification that you didn’t realise they were discussing assault?
No, what you said was…

“I should, I should say… Your question was aimed at women, so I responded to women – boys are just the same”
Yep. Don’t want to leave those boys out.
So men, if you get raped, it is probably because you were asking for it too.
And boys…
No I’m sorry, I’m not even going there.
I feel sick.

I think the country needs an apology, and an acknowledgement that this attitude is not ok.
I would love to see a live debate on one of our news stations, between several panelists, because the more we bring this topic out in the open, the quicker we can change this crap.

If anyone does want to write to Paul his email address is paul.quinn@national.org.nz

I'm convinced that we need slutwalk here and NOW

I was willing to understand a police officer making a stupid comment out of genuine concern, at a small gathering. I get that some people who work in Law enforcement get tired of going to scenes of abuse and rape and would do anything to stop them, even try to protect people from the wrong direction.
I did wonder at times if slut walk was an over reaction to a small incident, and then I thought about all the jerks (and wonderful people) that I know who genuinely believe that what women wear has a part in whether they are raped or not.

Tonight’s episode of “Backbenches” sealed my resolve to attend and promote the Auckland branch of Slutwalk on June 25th.

I give the police a long leash, giving that they are on the front line of violence and the sicker levels of our society, but politicians are another breed altogether. By the time you have worked in high level corporate, and then had 3 years in parliament I would expect that you would
A) Have a good grasp of the smooth lines people want to hear.
B) Know when to keep your mouth shut if what you believe is blatantly misogynous.
Wouldn’t you Paul Quinn??

But no…

On tonight’s episode of Backbenches Paul (and the entire room and cameras) was told why slutwalk is occurring. He was asked to weigh in on women’s clothing choices and the link with assault.
And his response (I am waiting for a direct quote here and what follows is from memory – so please forgive any inaccuracy) was to reply that alcohol intake was more of a risk and women who went out drinking until all hours were putting themselves at risk.
He also made some disparaging comments about people in short skirts being out at 6am when he goes to the gym.
– Because us sluts really should be nocturnal, and we are asking for it – right?

This is someone who was being beamed out to the entire nation, who is in charge of policy decisions and represents the people of this country.
He didn’t even look EMBARRASED!

This is why we need Slutwalk, because the perception that victims are EVER to blame for an assault or rape is entirely wrong and incredibly sick.
And yet it is not rare, and this has proved that it is pervasive enough that even our political leaders feel comfortable expressing these themes.
And that is not ok.

Shame on you Paul Quinn, I feel sorry for you.

The support we choose

The case of children /young women using their school councillors as a resource to source options for an unwanted pregnancy has had a lot of time in the media. One of the trends in comments from pro-choice and pro “support in schools for all options” has been the concept that teens use the school because home is not a safe environment.
I balked at that, because my own experience of using school support networks was in preference to admitting to my parents that I was not coping. It was my first experience with depression and the first thing the councillor did was hold my hand while I called my mother and admitted I couldn’t do this alone.
I still count my blessings that my parents’ response was one of support, and my family stood by me while I made decisions around staying in school or not, remaining a prefect or not, continuing competitive activities or not.
So while I realise that many, many young people struggle to find safe places and supportive people in their lives, withholding information is not necessarily a sign of dysfunction or abuse.

So when we discuss children requiring the notification of parents before accessing an abortion I have to ask...
Why?
If it is so the parents can have a say, then no. No, no, NO!
I say no for so many reasons, and most of them have been expressed beautifully elsewhere.

Take a peek at Boganette

Or Anthea

Or Luddite journo

Or Ideologically impure


Or over on life is a feminist issue

There is a lot of murmur on the blogosphere around this topic and I don’t need to rehash it.

The other logical (and not unreasonable) reason is that young people going through an experience like pregnancy/ abortion/ adoption should have support.
This I support, but not in the form of “concern trolling” where people act like they are being concerned about someone’s well being in order to maintain control (would any one like to quote some patronising pro-slavery quotes here?).

If taken at face value the key element of support can be provided by any adult in a child’s life.
I’m a support to several young people who are family friends and I really hope that they would feel safe and free from risk of judgement if they came to me.

So why not require an adult (by all means legislate the age if needed) chosen BY THE YOUNG PERSON to be notified? (Not the sexual partner of the youth if under age).
This seems to fulfil all the needs of the group.
The young person is able to access all healthcare options available.
They have a support person to assist them through the process.
There is an adult in this process.

There are SO MANY massive issues with this.
Young people may not choose the most ‘responsible’ person around.
That person may not have the young person’s best interests at heart.
That person may be involved in the relationship that led to the pregnancy.
The person may be covering for a rape that occurred.
The person may use their influence to pressure the youth to make a decision that the youth is not fully comfortable with.

Like I said; a lot of issues.
The problem is that all of the above issues apply to parents as well.

So we are back to square one...

Anyone got any good ideas?