So, you’re coming to Rocky Horror?

So, you’re coming to Rocky Horror?  

You should probably know up front that there are STANDARDS! (I don’t have many, but Rocky Horror brings out the standards in me).

If you are a woman, bare minimum of dress up is at least fish net stockings.
If you are a man, bare minimum of dress up is at least fish net stockings.
Get the idea?
Singing along is encouraged and interacting is heroic.

Want to interact, but don’t know what’s involved??

Here is a “props list” of items you will need to interact with the film. 

NB: when it says “throw” please throw UPWARDS, not at the screen or other people!

Props List…

Rice
Water gun
News Paper
Lighter/torch /glow stick
Party hat
Noise maker
Rubber Glove
Toast

Rice: At the beginning of the film is the wedding of Ralph and Betty.
Enjoy throwing the rice along with the on-screen wedding guests.

Newspapers: When Brad and Janet are caught in the storm, Janet covers her head with a newspaper Do as she does!

Water pistols: The Audience uses their water pistols to simulate the rainstorm that Brad and Janet are caught in.

Candles, torches, glow sticks: During the "There's a light" verse of "Over at the Frankenstein Place, you should light up the theatre with candles, flashlights, lighters, etc. (at indoor screenings, please don’t use open flame!)

Rubber gloves: During and after the creation speech, Frank snaps his rubber gloves three times. Later, Magenta pulls these gloves off his hands. You should snap your gloves in sync each time to create a fantastic sound effect.

Noisemakers: At the end of the creation speech, the Transylvanians respond with applause and noisemakers. Go nuts!!

Confetti: At the end of the "Charles Atlas Song" reprise, the Transylvanians throw confetti as Rocky and Frank head toward the bedroom. You should do the same.

Toast: When Frank proposes a toast at dinner, members of the audience throw toast into the air

Party hat: At the dinner table, when Frank puts on a party hat, you do the same.

Other interactions (more common in the UK than NZ)
When the narrator is talking about Brad and Janet, the audience yell out “slut” and “arsehole”

I’m always dressed as Magenta in one of her forms, see ya there!

Joy.

I’ve been tucking my chin in and getting on with things for a while now.

When you go through big life changes, like health issues, or bereavement, or the break-up of a relationship (or all three in a month) people tell you it’s “expected” to feel empty, or alone, or hollow or any other shitty feeling. They don’t tell you what’s missing though. It seemed rather silly to me, that when I had been relatively unhappy in a relationship for a while before it ended, that there would be such a huge gap after leaving. Why would the loss of something I didn’t want any more feel so huge?

And it was huge. But there had been a gap for a lot longer than the break up and part of my frustration was that even with another person, I still cried myself to sleep and felt terribly alone.

The other day I found myself smiling for no apparent reason. I danced along to music in the kitchen, that only weeks ago was background noise. One evening I did an epic slide in my socks in our hallway, rather than simply trudging to the toilet like any normal person.

This isn’t just mundane happiness, it’s a real spark, real hope. Real Joy.

I hadn’t realised it was missing until it came back, and god I had been missing it. I am naturally a very joyful person. I love life, and most of what it has to offer. Most of the time my natural inclination when offered something new to me is to clap my hands in excitement and give it my best shot.

How had I not noticed it missing? Bloody hell, I should have been sadder, more disappointed in myself, and life, that I had lost that spark. I didn’t even notice.

Now it’s back I want to stroke its hair and cradle it, and tell it that it was missed, and never to go again.  I’m sure there will be more times in the future without it, and with good reason, but I am glad I can appreciate it when it’s here. My entire being is glowing from a warmth that is stoked only by me, and my experiences.

In the last ten years those truly joyful times have happened at the start of wonderful things like relationships, or adventures overseas. It’s nice to know that simply having a fulfilling life is enough to bring me joy. Right now I am reliant on no one to make me feel whole, and my joy is my own. It’s a nice feeling.

I want to curl up and hug myself, because it’s good to be back.

I am not my body

I found this in my blogging file and have decided "better  late than never" and put it up. This post was written before my separation and moving, changing jobs etc etc etc, so there are references that are out of date. My diagnosis is now formal, I have started treatment, and my chances of having biological kids is far less than it was. 

I have spent years on body positivity. Most of this has been a deliberate embracing of my body as it is. Rather than pretending I am not fat, or ignoring my skin condition, I love myself as I am and demand that others respect that. Body and mind working together for a holistic sense of self has been really important to me.

Recently I have been dealing with health issues around my body. This afternoon I came home with a tentative diagnosis and had a good cry. It’s not a big deal; I’m not going to die (until I normally would). I don't even know how much worse it will get.

Excuse the vagueness, it’s just that the condition that I have is rare enough that like my job, and volunteer work, I won’t be disclosing it on here for fear of outing myself.

There is a possibility that over time my body will become less functional faster than I would like. This comes with pain and difficulty moving, and the idea scares the shit out of me.

This body I love... It’s fucking failing me.

How DARE it!

The HOURS I have put into exercising, and feeding it well, and loving it, and only letting the BEST most wonderful people give it cuddles and love. This body has been nourished in every sense of the word, and now I find out that 30 years of good times with it, is all I may get? I am so ANGRY. I am well aware that there are people out there with prognoses that are a million times worse. With limited time, bigger pains and sadder stories. There are people with perfectly good bodies but hurts so great that they deliberately end their lives early. I’m one of the lucky ones and once I get past this news I know that I will realize that fully.

But right now I’m pissed off, and frightened, and sad.

At the moment I can’t really safely get down the stairs in the morning until I’ve had a hot shower and my pain has decreased, and that is totally ok.  But what will I be like in 5 years, when I want to (the fates willing) be getting up at all hours in the cold, to a hungry baby?

What about in ten years, when I take my kids canoeing down the Whanganui river, and I want to crawl in and out of tents scaring 7 shades of shit out of them.

What about in 20 years when I want to boogie at my birthday and embarrass myself trying to dance the old school styling’s of the Macarena?

What about…

What about…

But I don’t know. The future may not be much different to what it would be without this diagnosis.

Worrying won’t make a damn bit of difference, and even if I never had this, I could get something else in a weeks’ time. If life has taught me nothing else, it has taught me that shit happens, and all you can do is roll with it.

My new challenge will be to continue to be body positive even when it doesn't do what I want it to. To love it when it hurts me, to love it as it fails me. I think I'm up to the challenge.

But give me a few days of tears and anger before I settle into this, ok?

Dr Miriam Grossman, lies, bent truths, and irresponsible medicine.

Miriam Grossman, and her bizarre take on sex education were the reason I was shaking with rage as I walked into work this morning. I was listening to the car radio and a woman was being interviewed about NZ sex education. Firstly, she had an American accent and kept referencing US websites that our Family planning isn’t affiliated with.

If you are going to take interviews in another country, at least do some damn research lady.

Secondly, every second “fact” that came out of her mouth, wasn’t.

For example “it is proven that Oral sex is linked to mouth cancer”

Uh no it’s not…

Saying that oral sex causes oral cancer is like saying that typing causes stomach ulcers.

Typing on a contaminated computer causes the transmission of the germs that in turn could cause stomach ulcers. There are other ways to cause stomach bug transmission, and the bacteria vector is not to blame. The bacteria, and following body dysfunction itself is.

Kissing babies doesn’t cause cancer – the politicos can breathe easy.

So who was this idiot and why was she being interviewed?

Within a few minutes I had found out that Family first had invited a certain Dr. Miriam Grossman to speak at their “Forum on the family”.

Ooohhhh I thought, that makes sense.

But hold on a minute… what kind of stupid doctor would be pushing such misinformation?

She is a clinical psychiatrist, promoting her new book about sex ed and youth sexuality called “you’re teaching my child what?” A quick zip through on amazon showed me that several of her research assistants are pathologically right wing, and NOT MEDICALLY TRAINED.

One is a journalist: Ashley Herzog.

Her qualifications in medicine? None.

Her qualifications in politics and gender? A charming little piece about “Wenergate” blaming the women who were harassed, for gagging for it.

Not much more I want to say on her.

So I thought, who is supporting this woman?

(Mum taught me to look at people who support concepts and decide if I wanted to be like them or not as part of my decision making)

Well Family first for a start *cough*.

Also she appears to be the conservative US media darling for all things sex related.

People I love dearly do NOT support her.  Such as GayNZ.

After seeing theGayNZ.com website write up- I started digging a little deeper into her anti human rights themes.

So I had a bit of a look at her take on homosexuality and gender…

For a start – take a peek at the following video. the California Senate Judiciary Committee voted to advance the FAIR Education Act (SB 48), a bill that would require state schools incorporate into their curriculum the contributions of LGBT Americans to development of California and the U.S, The good “Doctor” spoke AGAINST the legislation, mostly on the fact that transgenderism would frighten the children.

Yuck.

“It is our responsibility to protect children as best we can from exposure to facts and experiences that they are not equipped to handle… If this bill, SB 48 passes, I fear for the children of this state. More harm will come from this bill than good. Certainly, we can teach children the importance of respect and tolerance in a manner that is consistent with child development and biological truths.”

FFS… really?   Most children raised in a supportive home with decent sex and gender education understand more clearly than some adults that the “biological truth” is that sexuality, gender, biological physicality and identity are individual assignments and should not be a package deal.

Within the book she doesn’t tone it down all that much. In her references there is the following link to the website “mass resistance” it has the title “another reason not to send your kids to UMass Amherst"I would love to think that she just wanted a copy of the wonderful flyer, but if that were the case, she could have gotten it without using a hate group’s website to get there.

This is the flyer if you want to avoid going to a shitty site...

Another footnote that caught my eye was the following

“One notes how often the term “transgender folks” is used to get us to believe they are people just like you and I – they just want to be castrated, that’s all.”

What the actual FUCK??

There is nothing to rebut here because it is simply her very sick opinion that a group of people are not actually people. Surprising since as an orthodox Jewish person, that particular technique of fucktardery got a horrific number of her religious group killed in the second world war.

She also links to “Parents and Friends of Ex-Gays” where the following greeting is given.

“Welcome to PFOX

PFOX is not a therapeutic or counseling organization. PFOX supports families, advocates for the ex-gay community, and educates the public on sexual orientation. Each year thousands of men, women and teens with unwanted same-sex attractions make the personal decision to leave homosexuality. However, there are those who refuse to respect that decision. Consequently, formerly gay persons are reviled simply because they dare to exist! Without PFOX, ex-gays would have no voice in a hostile environment.”

If there was any shred of professional integrity left, the use of this link would have burnt it and stomped out the ashes.

That this woman is peddling hate speech under her professional title and selling books is of huge concern to me. Surely there should be a disclaimer.

May contain incorrect information, warped facts, skewed statistics, biased points of view, imbalanced reporting, and hate speech.

I firmly believe that freedom of speech is an important part of any healthy society. Integrity of professions is also very important, and I think it is about time the Doctor was investigated for unprofessional behaviour. Using her title and qualifications to convince people they are unnatural and unhealthy for having real, natural sexual urges, is cruel, dangerous and irresponsible.

Someone needs to at least complain to her governing medical body.

A big thank you to Rachel Hansen, and Richard Hills for their wonderful work with Sexuality education in NZ, and their great, positive interviews on last night’s close up show featuring Grossman.

A standing ovation to Katie Fitzpatrick who managed to be interviewed in debate with Grossman, without ONCE rolling her eyes, banging her forehead on the table or simply punching the good doctor. You are a hero to us all.

Just to finish off the fun, here are some quotes from Miriam Grossman that I actually filed under “stupid” in my writing page as I worked.

“unless you are a girl who is exclusively with other girls in which case the risk of STD’s is very low and HIV virtually impossible.”

Uh noooo, that is wrong. Blood to blood contact is required for HIV contraction and there is no reason why a woman couldn’t have that kind of contact with another woman.

Referencing twilight’s Edward as the ideal man (because conservatism is hip!)

“Not bad, huh? Now if only the professionals running our country’s sex education could figure that out. Because that’s what the Twilight craze is about: a guy who adores his girl so much, he’ll do anything to protect her. A guy who won’t allow his girl to get hurt, even if it means saying “no” to himself. That’s what girls want.”

Has she read Twilight? I refer you to my post here discussing the issues around abusive relationships in twilight – but I guess its ok since they didn’t have sex.

“With the brouhaha over Bristol Palin’s pregnancy, here’s a plus no one’s considered: should this young woman go to college as a married mom, she’ll be spared four years of the campus hook-up culture.”

Yup, because once you have pushed something out, nothing goes back up there… darned if I know how people have more than one child.

Referenced in this blog post and NOT recommended by ScubaNurse, or indeed any nurse with half a brain.
Ref: Miriam Grossman: You're Teaching My Child What? A Physician Exposes the Lies of Sex Education and How They Harm Your Child: Washington: Regnery Publishing: 2009.

I know a bunch of people have written about close up interview - can you please link to your posts in the comments? Thanks!

HEY BANK!

Hey Bank!* 

You just offered to increase my ability to borrow money by $15,000 dollars.

That’s more than I can repay. But you know that.

What you don’t know is that my partner and I recently separated, I’ve been diagnosed with an illness that will be costing me money, and my job at the time you offered me a card was not a stable one.

Why don’t you know? Because you never asked.

Why would a professional banking institution offer to loan money without checking if it can be paid back? Why would you send me ANOTHER credit card in the mail, if you don’t know what my income will be next week - it quite clearly changes in my bank statements.

The only logical reason I can think of is because you do better if I can’t pay it off. You get more money in the end by ruining my reputation and financial future.

I’m smart enough to know this, smart enough to cut up the cards, and refuse the increases.

I’m sure there are plenty of people trusting enough to think that a bank wouldn’t offer something out of their league.

I wonder if they are looking for a mortgage lender…

Because I am. And as far as I’m concerned, offering me something I can’t pay back, on terms that are not properly discussed, with a client you haven’t met… Well if it isn’t unprofessional or deliberately shitty, then it’s terribly stupid.

None of these things will result in you being the people who handle my home loan, when I decide I am ready for one.

So bank… quit being a douche. I’m on to you.

*to the tune of 'hey cow'.

Dear Comedians... we need to talk about rape.

Dear Comedians,  

I just wanted to have a wee chat about rape jokes. It’s the end of the NZ comedy festival for 2012, but it’s not too late to improve in time for next year.

As a basic rule of thumb, comedy thrives on taking awkward social situations and twisting them to make people laugh. Rape is not an awkward social situation. It’s a violent crime.

Some of the best comedians I have seen have told jokes about their own awful life experiences… I’m yet to see someone get up and do an anecdotal bit on rape. Possibly because of the fear that every time we make light of it, another person thinks what they did was ok. Possibly because most people never get to the point where it is a laughing matter and remain un-medicated.

Humor is one of the best survival techniques to trauma that I know of. Generally this is for stuff like, falling down, embarrassment, “stupid shit I have done while drunk”, self-destructive behaviour due to youth, addiction, stupidity etc. Not so much, stabbings, rape, domestic violence.

Also, I get to laugh at my trauma when I'm ready. What the fuck makes someone qualified to tell a room full of people that you know they should be desensitised enough to laugh at something as awful as rape.

Here are some basic rules of thumb about what is and isn’t funny.

If someone did something harmful to themselves, it might be funny.

If someone was hurt by someone else, it probably isn’t.

If someone tells a story themselves, to strangers. It’s probably funny.

If no one tells it in the first person, it probably isn’t.

If you wouldn’t use the phrase at a dinner party “go on tell the one about when you were raped”

Then don’t stand on stage and tell “the one about someone being raped.”

Because (and here is the bit where I get serious) every time you tell a joke about rape, rapists, rape victims, or just use the word rape to explain how hard your life is (it isn’t, shut the fuck up), someone in your audience got chills. Someone felt the hair stand up all over their body. Someone felt bile rising. That person who walked out, they probably needed to be sick.

One in about 7 people in your theatre would have been trying not to cry, or trying to remember to breath. Some would have been using self-talk to stop a panic attach. Some would have felt the urge to scream when the man behind them laughed throatily at your rape joke because… why? Why would someone laugh at a rape joke? Because they have done it and got away with it?

Because they knew someone who got away with it? Because they hate women/men so much they think they ASKED for it?

Every time you tell a joke with rape as a punch line or story thread, you are hurting survivors all over again.

So go on, tell the rape joke. And look and I mean REALLY LOOK at your audience. Look at who is laughing. But more importantly, look at who isn’t. And choose to never do that again.

And a big shout out to Rabon Kan, who not only had walk outs in his shows, but didn't learn from it, apologise for it, or indeed respect the complainants. 

I used to find you funny. Now you make me feel physically sick, and unwilling to be alone with you.

I choose life.

Every now and again there is a point in my life where I really truly have to choose.
I have the option to wake in the morning or not. I can get up, or not.
I can paste a smile on at work and encourage other people’s positivity, or I can just get through it.
I can keep up my sports and hobbies, or call off sick.
When I’m out and about I can meet new people and try to be interested in them, and their lives, or I can duck my head and hope to avoid superficial banter.
It seems easier to plead grief. To mutter that life is really hard right now, and that I have nothing to give.
  The truth of it is that when you feel like your world is empty because you are dealing with loss; whether it is a break up, health issues, having to move, the death of loved ones, or watching someone slip away in old age. You HAVE to keep fighting.
Otherwise you miss the point where things start to get better. One day someone or something lovely happens but you miss it because you are under your duvet smelling like three day old pizza.

 Before a family member’s funeral a long time ago, mum caught us kids playing cards and giggling in that over-stimulated tired way kids do when they are beyond it. We must have looked shamefaced at being caught in a moment of happiness at such a sad time. She sat down and quickly reassured us that we were allowed to be happy. “it’s really hard at the moment, but if you feel happy, or good things happen, you are allowed to enjoy it – you need it even more at the moment.” She joined us in our playful little group, our bubble excluding all the other crap outside the door. It was an awesome lesson in the fact that life is never 100% sad or 100% happy. We have little pockets of both in times of great extreme, the trick is to find them and use them.

  So things have been really horrible recently for me. (Take each of the examples from the above and every. Single. Fucking. One has happened in the last month). But I’m still here. And I‘ve realised, that the horrible things may not stop. And I either need to give up completely or try to enjoy the life I have. Because bad stuff isn’t going away, but the good stuff might.
People eventually stop reaching out if you aren’t there, and I need them. People have been AMAZING. I’ve been out for dinner, had people around, gotten drunk, stayed sober, sat quietly, talked for hours, sobbed uncontrollably and sworn endlessly.
My sports buddies and work colleagues have respected that those are my “safe” places and I don’t want to talk or think about things there and we are all doing an awesome job of pretending I’m hunky dory when I’m there. I’m so blessed in so many ways.
The least I can do is give everyone the respect they deserve and let them help me the ways they want to.
 So thanks to those twitter buddies who send me messages of support and respect that I’m not ready for drinks yet.
Thanks to those of you who have messaged to check that I’m ok, since there has been such a gap between posts.

 And here’s to anyone who is choosing to live. Really live – get your smile out and kick ass.